Ashton Kutcher explains baby Wyatt’s name, bashes Charlie Sheen

Ashton Kutcher is finally offering up an explanation about daughter Wyatt’s peculiar name.

The “Two and a Half Men� star stopped by “Conan� on Tuesday and discussed the joys of parenthood that he and actress-fiancee Mila Kunis have experienced since welcoming their baby girl on Sept. 30.

The 36-year-old said that he and his “That ‘70s Show� costar had no nanny or night nurse, but had been managing their first child with just the two of them.

“It’s unbelievable. It’s the greatest thing on earth,� he said. “As soon as this child was born I immediately, like, wanted to call my parents and just apologize because I never knew how much they loved me.�

The actor said that staying home for the first few weeks has helped him learn how to calm the baby and makes him feel like “the baby whisperer now.�

“I like to give the baby to my friends and let it cry for a second. Then be like, ‘Let me just take care of that,’� he joked.

As for little Wyatt’s seemingly masculine first name, Kutcher explained the backstory.

“We had another name that was like absolute ... then we got pregnant a couple weeks after we picked the name. But then when we were pregnant, the name just didn’t fit the energy that we were feeling. We were calling it ‘the baby’ but never by the name that we had given it,� he explained. “So, one night, Mila was like, ‘This is not the name.’ And I’m like, ‘OK, it’s not the name.’ I had to get the creative juices going, so we were going to a Lakers game, and I got name Tourette’s.�

At that point, he said he spat off a litany of random names based on everything he saw, including “sign, truck, wall, door. I’m like, ‘If you don’t accept my bad ideas, you’ll never accept the good ones!’� he quipped.

“Then I was like, ‘Alright I’ve got a really dumb idea. What about Wyatt?’ She goes, ‘That’s it.’�

And that’s how she got her first name. The wee one got her middle name, Isabelle, from Kunis’ grandfather Yitzhak, “so it has a little heritage.�

The couple, linked since April 2012, then reserved all the Wyatt Isabelle permutations of domain names, e-mail addresses, Instagram and Twitter handles: “I don’t want a porn site with my daughter’s name!� he exclaimed.

Though the “Jobs� star had kind words for his child, he didn’t have as many for his “Two and a Half Men� predecessor Charlie Sheen. (And this isn’t the first time Kutcher has bashed him on late-night television.)

Sheen has shown interest in returning to the CBS comedy during its 12th and final season this year.

“I kind of, I just kind of stopped listening to things that Charlie Sheen says. Like Charlie Sheen has become a parent on ‘Charlie Brown’ to me,� Kutcher said, imitating the “wawawa� voice of the animated parents. “And I just keep saying thank you for the great job. I’ve got an awesome job and it’s thanks to you not having it anymore, so thank you, wa -- wawa wawa wawa -- I’m just going to keep going to work and collecting the check. So whatever... I don’t even care -- wa wa wa wa -- It’s not a thing for me.�

Good grief. Follow me on Twitter @NardineSaad.