Comments & Curiosities:

“You oughta be in pictures, you’re wonderful to see; You oughta be in pictures, Oh what a hit you’d be!”

I didn’t write that. Dana Suesse and Edward Heyman did, in 1934. Frankly, I have no idea if you ought to be in pictures, but a lot of people who are in pictures will fluffing and folding most of today and trying hard to smile for the cameras tonight, because if this is March 7, and I believe it is, it is time for the Oscars, which means, of course, that it’s time for the annual “Peter B-Holy Cat-How-Does-He-Know- That? Oscar Picks.”

Are you excited? I knew you would be. The lights are up, cameras are rolling and the Little Nude Gold Guys are lined up perfectly, so let’s get busy. The envelopes, please.

The nominees for Best Actor are: Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”; George Clooney in “Up in the Air”; Colin Firth in “A Single Man”; Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”; and Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker.”

I would give the nod to Clooney. I thought his portrayal of a guy who spends his life on planes and in airports was inspired.

But this year my pick and $2.75 will get you a skinny latte at Starbucks. This one is all Jeff Bridges, all the time. Bridges, who is consistently underrated, ripped it off the wall, tore it up and stomped it flat as Bad Blake in “Crazy Heart.” And the winner is — Jeff Bridges, “Crazy Heart.”

The nominees for Best Actress are: Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”; Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”; Carey Mulligan in “An Education”; Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious”; and Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia.”

Mirren is a force of nature, end of story, period, stop. She was awesome in “The Last Station,” but it’s a movie that about 12 people saw and three of those only because they wandered into the wrong theater.

Meryl Streep was incredible, how shocking, as Julia Child in “Julie & Julia” and to many she is the greatest actress in the history of acting. But Oscar has teased her for years. Nominations? Sixteen. Oscars? Two. That’s a little cold, no?

This year, Streep will be left sitting and smiling again as she watches Sandra Bullock make her way to the stage. Bullock was a knockout in “The Blind Side,” but Best Actress? Hmmm. And the winner is — Sandra Bullock, “The Blind Side.”

The nominees for Best Supporting Actor are: Matt Damon in “Invictus”; Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”; Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”; Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”; and Christoph Waltz, “Inglourious Basterds.”

You have some very powerful actors on the track in this one, but none of them can claim these roles as their best work, including one of my all-time favorites, Stanley Tucci.

The one exception, which makes this pick so easy it’s easy, is Christoph Waltz, for his evil, funny and downright chilling portrayal of Nazi Colonel Hans Landa, which gives new meaning to the word “creepy.” And the winner is — Christoph Waltz, “Inglourious Basterds.”

The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are: Penelope Cruz in “Nine”; Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”; Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”; Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”; and Mo’Nique in “Precious.”

This is a fun category. These are all outstanding performances, but while Cruz and Gyllenhaal have been to quite a few rodeos, Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick and Mo’Nique, yes she spells it that way, are relative newcomers.

Cruz was funny and sexy squared in “Nine,” another movie that 12 people saw, although the few who did loved it. Vera Farmiga sizzled in “Up in the Air” as George Clooney’s chance lover who knows every bit as much about being a road warrior as he does and can verbally keep up with him at every turn.

But this one is also over before it starts, with Mo’Nique’s chilling portrayal of an abusive mother that would scare most abusive mothers straight. Her performance not only left every critic stunned, but incredibly, it was her first dramatic role. Yikes. Where does she go from here? And the winner is — Mo’Nique, “Precious.”

The nominees for Best Director are: James Cameron for “Avatar”; Kathryn Bigelow for “The Hurt Locker”; Quentin Tarantino for “Inglourious Basterds”; Lee Daniels for “Precious”; and Jason Reitman in “Up in the Air.”

Have you heard of the X-Games? This is the Hollywood version — the Ex-Games, with James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow, having been husband and wife back in the day. Both nominated for Best Director, for films that are both nominated for Best Picture. Talk about reality TV.

Even with that, this one is not hard. Doing your taxes, programming your DVR, those are hard. Picking the Best Director winner is easy. Why? Because the Directors Guild of America awards are in January, and the Oscars in March. Only directors vote for the Academy Award for Best Director, and they are all in the DGA.

Losing the Oscar after winning the DGA Award has happened only six times since 1948 — a very important year by the way. Bigelow won the DGA Award in January, and she will win the Oscar tonight. But, minor detail here, she deserves it, in spades. And the winner is — Kathryn Bigelow, “The Hurt Locker.”

Best Picture Oscar, come out of that trailer, it’s time for your close up. The nominees for Best Picture are: “Avatar”; “The Blind Side”; “District 9”; “An Education”; “The Hurt Locker”; “Inglourious Basterds”; “Precious”; “A Serious Man”; “Up”; and “Up in the Air.”

I wish “Up” had a chance (it doesn’t), but I am a huge animation fan and “Up” just might be the best animated feature ever. But did you notice something odd about the Best Picture category this year?

Right you are: It’s giganormous, with 10 nominees instead of the traditional five. It’s been a five-film race since the 1940s but in recent years, producers have been whining and kvetching and occasionally moaning that the five-slot race was too restrictive and left some excellent films out in the cold.

OK, fine, but I think what they’re really doing is lowering the bar. Witness “The Blind Side” and “District 9” this year — both very entertaining and well made, but Best Picture? Please. You make me laugh. Hah. See? That was me, laughing.

It’s ironic that in this “expansion year,” there really are only two films in the running — “Avatar” and “The Hurt Locker.” “Avatar” is a technical tour de force with a wow factor that will take your breath away as you navigate the world of Pandora.

At the other end of the spectrum is “The Hurt Locker,” a gritty, gut-wrenching saga of an Iraq war bomb disposal unit that grabs you by the throat during the opening credits and never lets go. And the Best Picture is — “The Hurt Locker.”

That’s it then. I have no more to give you. I am totally spent. Am I always right? Of course not — only 96.4% of the time. Is that true? Are you kidding? Is the pope Italian? You’re the best. Seriously. Don’t ever change, let’s do lunch, have your people call my people. I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be reached at [email protected].