THE MORAL OF THE STORY:Acceptance brings serenity

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.”

Denis de Rougamont

I saw a friend whom I hadn’t seen for a while and asked her how she’d been. She explained that she’d been to visit her parents, and that she had the best time she’d ever had. I told her that was wonderful and asked her what made the trip so different from the ones she had before, when she’d come home very frustrated.

“I can sum up a very long answer to that question with one small word ? and that word is acceptance,” she said. “For once, I didn’t expect anything different, and I accepted them as they are. It made all the difference in the world.”

My friend went on to say that her parents still seemed to see and talk about everything that was wrong with everybody else, except, of course, themselves.

“They have always been critical, but this time I just accepted that,” she said. “Instead of arguing with them, I just talked positively about people, told my parents I loved them, and I took a lot of walks. I prayed a lot, too, and I felt my frustration actually change into empathy for my parents. They must be very unhappy people, and I feel sorry for them.”

I told my friend that I was happy for the change in her experience with her parents and said that she made me think of a talk I gave that seemed to help people who had challenging relationships in their lives. I explained that if we could see those people as being emotionally handicapped, instead of viewing them as purposefully critical and difficult, then it often didn’t hurt as much. I said that, most likely, something happened in their lives that stunted their emotional growth, and that they really are not functioning from a place of emotional health.

I told her that one friend of mine sensed that God told her to pray for God to bless her critical parents and fill their lives with joy and peace. She said that she had a mini-argument with God over that, but realized that nothing else had helped, so she decided to give it a try. She knew it couldn’t hurt, and it might actually help ? and it did. Not only did her heart soften toward her parents when she thought about how unhappy they must be and when she prayed for them, but she noticed slight improvements in them as well.

I said that we really can change only ourselves and nobody else, and that acceptance is key. My friend told me that our discussion reminded her of The Serenity Prayer, and I agreed. I also told her that we usually hear only the beginning of that prayer, and that I’d send her the rest of it, since it is so profound. I am including it here for you as well:

May God fill us all with serenity and guide us with His wisdom. And you can quote me on that.dpt-christeson-BPhotoInfoQ01T734C20060722gzir0kkeCredit: Caption: (LA)