‘Bewitched’ bemuses and beguiles

JOHN DEPKO

Lighter than air and sticky sweet, “Bewitched” is Hollywood’s movie

version of cotton candy. With no substance and lots of empty

calories, it fills no need and serves no purpose in the larger scheme

of life. But like its candy counterpart, this film will bring a few

smiles and some simple satisfaction to those not looking for anything

more.

Will Ferrell plays the same lovable jerk he always does. This time

out, he’s a B-movie actor who needs to revive his fading career. He

decides to star in a remake of the “Bewitched” TV series as the

mortal man who unwittingly marries a genteel witch named Samantha.

The unknown and naive woman played by Nicole Kidman becomes his

choice to be the new Samantha on his show.

The twist is that Kidman is supposed to be a real witch. Wink,

wink. Get it? She uses her hidden powers in a low-key way to keep the

plot moving along. She is delightful in a child-like role that is far

beneath her abilities.

Michael Caine earns his paycheck as her playful warlock father

trying to seduce every female in sight. Shirley MacLaine is silly in

her mindless role as one of several secret witches who populate the

screenplay.

The romance between Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell is as hard to

imagine as Audrey Hepburn dating Jerry Lewis. It’s awkward and

implausible, to say the least. There are some funny moments and good

laughs in this Penny Marshall production. But you won’t be bothered

or bewildered while watching the ultra-lightweight “Bewitched” float

across the screen.

* JOHN DEPKO is a Costa Mesa resident and a senior investigator

for the Orange County public defender’s office.

‘March of Penguins’ a must-see documentary

If you want to see a truly amazing film, check out the documentary

“March of the Penguins.”

Filmed in the Antarctic under extremely challenging conditions,

director Luc Jacquet and his team have chronicled the nine-month

breeding season of the majestic emperor penguins, who have been

following the same arduous mating patterns for thousands of years.

Every year in March, thousands of these aquatic birds waddle

single-file for 70 miles to the same breeding ground to select a

mate. They remain monogamous for the entire season and split the

duties equally of guarding their subsequent egg and trekking back

many miles to feed, and then return to their mate.

As part of the process, the male will have gone for four months

without food, its sole purpose to shelter the egg from freezing and

protect it after it has hatched. It only takes a few seconds to

freeze to death in the Antarctic winter.

Once the eggs hatch, they have only a couple of days to survive

until the mother returns to feed them. If the mother takes too long

to return from her “refueling” trip, the starving male will have no

choice but to abandon the young chick.

“There is no backup plan,” we are told.

Narrated with delicacy and wit by Morgan Freeman, “March of the

Penguins” features spectacular scenery of the frozen desert and

amazingly intimate photography of the penguins and their young. That

the crew could have filmed in storms, in which the temperature drops

to 78 degrees below zero, is in itself an awesome feat of endurance

and infinite patience.

The design and constancy of these beautiful animals to do things

in their unique way is a wonder and a fascinating story to witness.

* SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant

for a financial services company.