Parents not a case of a mean spirit

STEVE SMITH

It is not in our nature to want to see things from someone else’s

point of view. It is our nature to want others to see things from our

point of view.

When negotiators or mediators enter a dispute, one of their first

and most difficult tasks is getting each side to acknowledge --

usually in a private meeting -- that not all of the opposition’s

points are wrong. From there, they move to getting the opposition to

admit that if some of the opposition’s sides are not wrong, some may

even have merit.

Once each side has acknowledged that the other is not completely

insane, meaningful dialogue can begin. But getting one side to see

the other side’s point of view remains the key to moving forward.

The case in point is the petition created by a very small group of

parents who want two parents and their young kids removed from any

involvement in St. John the Baptist Church in Costa Mesa. The removal

includes the expulsion of their children from kindergarten at the

church’s school.

The parents of the children are gay and the petitioning parents

believe that the inclusion of the family in the church is an approval

of a gay lifestyle, a lifestyle that is strictly forbidden by the

Catholic Church.

On the day I read the story in The Los Angeles Times, I also heard

the banter on talk radio station KFI. John Kobylt, a talk radio host,

who is himself a former Catholic school student, wasted no time in

condemning the petitioning parents.

The easy thing to do in this case is drop a brick on the

protesting parents. That, folks, is a no-brainer.

The difficult thing to do, (the reason you won’t read or hear

about it much anywhere else is precisely because it’s so difficult)

is to understand that the parents who protested believe that they

have a moral obligation to take the action they took.

Whether you agree with them at this point is irrelevant. The

important thing is that you understand their motives.

Unlike what you’ve read or heard, these parents were not motivated

by a desire to see those children hurt. They did not sit down and

say, “We hate those kids in our school -- let’s get them out!”

Instead, they were motivated by what they believe is a duty to

uphold the doctrine of their faith. And it just so happens that their

faith minces no words about the acceptance of homosexuality.

But instead of the debate focusing on the laws of the Catholic

Church and whether a petition should made to the Vatican to change

them, or whether some people on either side of the issue need to find

a new religion, it focused on the parents.

Critics were certain that the protesting parents had either

masturbated, been divorced or used birth control, all of which is

also condemned by the church. The parents became instant hypocrites

when in fact, not one of the loud-mouths read or heard had a shred of

evidence that these people had committed any of these sins. (For the

record, I do not include Daily Pilot columnist Joe Bell in this

crowd.)

No one wanted to do the difficult thing and examine their point of

view as faithful church members.

That, by the way, is standard operating procedure for talk radio.

Forget about civil dialogue, just say whatever it takes to get higher

ratings.

Here’s what it comes down to: as a member of a church or temple in

an organized religion, you do not have the freedom to pick and choose

which moral laws you will obey. It’s an-all-or-nothing proposition.

Jesus did not say, “Follow the teachings of mine that you like,

the ones that don’t interfere with your lifestyle, and don’t worry

about the others.”

The Ten Commandments are not the “Ten Suggestions.”

So now, with a better understanding of their motive -- that these

parents have a strong faith that simply does not allow for them to

remain silent on this issue -- that they are commanded by their

beliefs to step forward -- is it still simply a case of

mean-spirited, backward parents?

I think not. Do I believe that the Catholic Church is wrong on

this

issue? Yes, I do. I also believe that Father Martin Benzoni, the

church’s pastor, and the other local church leaders have handled this

situation rather well. (I placed two calls to Benzoni, but did not

hear back from him by my deadline.)

But most important, I understand why the protesting parents did

what they did. And despite the wild, homophobic claims of a few vocal

organizations and a few people who are exploiting the situation for

personal gain, the heart of this issue is whether strict adherence to

a faith is an option.

That’s a question for everyone who has an allegiance to any

religion.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(714) 966-4664.