Stuffy bullying is wrong, wrong, wrong

JUNE CASAGRANDE

Dear June,

Attached is a copy of the e-mail I sent you concerning your

incorrect use of “wrong” in your March 15, 2004 article.

It seems that you do not agree that only adverbs can modify verbs

(hence the name “adverb”), because you are making the same mistake in

your recent article. In the sentence “ ... makes you sound like a

snob at best or, if you use it wrong, like a fool at worst.” One

cannot use anything “wrong,” only “wrongly.” “Incorrectly” would be a

more appropriate adverb to use.

I have noticed that the rare times you include readers’ comments

on mistakes made in your articles are when there may be differences

in opinion on correct usage. In your incorrect use of “wrong,” there

is no doubt that you are wrong.

I therefor challenge you to admit your mistake in a follow-up

article for all to read. I am not holding my breath.

Mario

Dear June:

English Grammar. Chapter 1. Nouns, Adjectives and Adverbs.

Consider your sentence: “ ... makes you sound like a snob at best, or

if you use it wrong, like a fool at worst.” Wrong can be used as a

noun or an adjective, but never an adverb. For example: June was

wrong. Wrong is a noun, the object of the verb was.

June used the wrong word. Wrong is an adjective describing the

noun word. June used the word wrongly. Wrongly is an adverb modifying

the verb used. I look forward to reading your “mea culpa” in your

next article.

Signed,

spgs19401947 via e-mail

Dear Mario and Spgs:

Please open your dictionaries to the word “wrong.” Please see

that, following the first cluster of definitions under “adj.,”

adjective, comes the abbreviation “adv.” Adverb. “Wrong” is an

adverb. And you are both wrong.

Dear everybody but Mario and Spgs:

I don’t know when I became the guy in the bar everyone else wants

to beat the stuffing out of because he’s reputedly a good fighter.

That’s certainly not the role I wanted. In fact, I’ve been banging

the humility drum so hard that I think I might qualify for admission

to a monastery or something. And Mario and Spgs have given a perfect

example of why I’m so big on the whole humility thing: In grammar and

language, if you go around picking fights, it’s just a matter of time

before you find yourself face-down on the barroom floor with boot

prints all over your back.

So for those who’d rather learn how to use the language than jump

to conclusions with which to bludgeon others: “Wrong” and “right,”

too, are both adjectives and adverbs. You can say, “Mario was wrong,”

which is an adjective, like, “Mario is belligerent.” Or you can say,

“Mario used the word wrong,” which is an adverb. In case you’re a

little rusty, adverbs modify verbs, whereas adjectives modify things.

And, unless you’re in the presence of Mario or Spgs, you can use

the word “right” without fear as well. You don’t need to say, “I did

it rightly.” Your first instinct, “I did it right,” is right.

Now, for anyone who’s been itching to point out other mistakes in

these e-mails, let me caution you to use humility. For example, some

of you may have noticed the word “therefor” in Mario’s e-mail and

subsequently felt an inflated sense of self-esteem, an intoxicating

rush of superiority. Beware. Like all intoxicants, this one has a way

of leaving you face-down on the floor wondering how those boot marks

ended up on your back.

You see, “therefor” is, in fact, a word. But unfortunately for

Mario, he used it wrong. “Therefor,” which is most often seen in

legal writing, is not considered part of modern English. It’s archaic

and means “for that.” The more commonly used “therefore,” meaning

“hence” or “for this reason,” was the one he should have used.

Also, Mario should have included a comma after the year 2004. But

I’m not one for nitpicking.

Spgs was wrong when she or he said that “wrong” is a noun in the

sentence, “June is wrong.” It’s not a noun; it’s an adjective. It’s

like, “Spgs is tall,” “Spgs is unhappy,” or “Spgs is dense.”

“Wrong” can be a noun, just not the way Spgs explained. Think of

“to commit a wrong.” That’s a noun.

And with that, dear readers, I exit the barroom, saloon doors

swinging as I ride off into the sunset. Just please, whatever you do,

don’t interpret this trouncing as meaning anything even remotely akin

to “bring it on.” But if you ever find yourself being roughed up by

people who actually expect you to say ridiculously stuffy-sounding

things like, “I did it wrongly,” or, “I followed the directions

rightly,” just know that, eventually, all grammar bullies get their

comeuppance.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

[email protected].