Kicking around soccer moms

JUNE CASAGRANDE

Someday centuries from now, archeologists will document what we now

are just beginning to truly understand: that the worst enemies of

democracy and all the things we hold good and true are not murderers

or communists or even lawyers. The worst monsters terrorizing our

society are, without a doubt, soccer moms.

I have no evidence, of course. But I, a language person, don’t

need evidence. With my superhero sensibility for words and the way

people use them, I see this truth all too clearly in the way people

speak these two, most terrifying words.

Consider this excerpt from a Daily Pilot letter: “Soccer moms,

students, and other users of residential streets who storm through

intersections under the influence of nothing more than an attitude

problem and the self-absorbed belief that the whole world is about

them are more deserving of having their morality questioned.”

Perhaps we could dismiss such a vitriolic statement if it were the

rambling of a lone sufferer of an Oedipus complex. But, on the

contrary, this sentiment is everywhere.

I submit to you Exhibit No. 2, also from a Daily Pilot letter to

the editor:

“I watch soccer moms in their urban assault vehicles full of

children running through the stops and endangering pedestrians.”

So I type the term into the Los Angeles Times archives. Lo and

behold, I find stuff like this:

* “It is ironic that all those soccer moms and dads who drive

polluting SUVs are poisoning the very children those behemoths are

purchased to protect”;

* “And if you think the soccer mom is a fanatically devoted

creature ... “;

* “Would the outrage and outcry be as great if the driver had been

a 30-something soccer mom in a vehicle the size of a semi-truck?”;

* “The gist [of TV sitcom ‘Hope and Faith]: A control-freak soccer

mom must learn to cope with her diva actress sister.”

One of the reasons I like words is that sometimes they tell us a

lot more than the speaker intended to let on. And in light of the

fact that almost everyone who puts the word “soccer” next to the word

“mom” does so with venom in his or her voice, I think that maybe

there’s something to think about here.

Of course, this is a language column, restricted to discussion of

things such as words and phrases and sentences, so I’ll close this

discussion by leaving you with just this one sentence: “What’s

everybody’s problem with women who drive kids to sports practice?”

One more sentence: “For heaven’s sake, let’s find a more deserving

group to beat up on.” OK, just one more: “Stop picking on soccer

moms.”

And don’t get me started on the word “diva.”

Moving on ... .

A while back, I dedicated a column to “Reader Peeves.” Of course,

these peeves were limited to grammar and language stuff. So as long

as I’m ranting, we’ll go ahead and call this column “Writer Peeves”

and list a couple of language habits that irk me.

“Irregardless.” What’s up with that? The dictionary defines this

as, basically, “regardless.” So why not use the intelligent-sounding

one instead?

“Horrific.” Now, this one is a personal peeve. It’s a perfectly

legitimate word, often used quite correctly and effectively. I just

happen to hate it. The reason I hate it is because it became popular

right around the time people had so overused the word “horrible” that

it had seemed to lose all meaning. Their solution: Spout something

that sounds like “terrifically horrible.” Yeah, that’ll make people

listen.

“A whole ‘nother.” How about, “a whole other,” “an entirely

different,” “a completely distinct,” “a totally separate,” “a whole

new” -- anything but “‘nother.”

“Torrential rain.” Time to find an adjective that hasn’t become a

hollow cliche.

“Profusely,” as in “sweating profusely” or “bleeding profusely”: A

word people say without thinking, just because it sounds like it’s

got some oomph.

I hope this little mental breakdown has convinced any abusers of

these terms to change their ways. If not, I just may have to hijack a

Chevy Suburban, load it up with sports equipment and people under 18,

and unleash my horrible fury on the world.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE covers Newport Beach and John Wayne Airport. She

may be reached at (949) 574-4232 or by e-mail at

[email protected].