My elbow’s ready for its close-up, Mr. McG

See that? Right there? That’s my left elbow. The one resting on the

table in the background of the diner scene in the racy new television

drama “The O.C.”

OK, OK, so my joint has not made its big break in the business,

but it could because, get this: Cameras from the Fox network drama --

you know, the one named after our fine county -- are actually going

to venture behind the orange curtain to get some local flavor.

No, really. Dennis Danner, Newport Beach’s administrative services

director, said so.

According to a memo from Danner to City Manager Homer Bludau dated

Aug. 8, representatives from “The O.C.” have pulled permits to film a

variety of Newport Beach landmarks this week, such as the Balboa Fun

Zone, Pelican Cove, Jack’s Surfboards, Ruby’s on the pier, Sterling

BMW, the Crab Cooker and Fashion Island.

(Don’t Newport Beach folks shop at South Coast Plaza, too? C’mon,

throw the Segerstroms a bone.)

For some strange reason, “The O.C.” big wigs have gotten the wacky

idea that a show set in Newport Beach should actually have some shots

of the city for good measure.

“Premier scenes depicting Newport beaches and lavish cribs were

actually in Palos Verdes and Hermosa Beach locations, both located

within ‘the zone,’ a 30-mile radius from a corner in Hollywood,

beyond which production companies are obligated to provide for crew

as if they were traveling to the other side of the globe,” Danner

wrote in his memo.

Palos Verdes? Eeeeeeeeeewww.

I wonder what happened to change their minds. Did someone wise up

and realize the coastline in Newport Beach looks nothing like the sea

cliff backdrop in mudslide central? Was the show getting dissed

because it wasn’t “keepin’ it real?”

Director McG, who was known to his Corona del Mar High School

teachers as Joseph McGinty, should know you can’t fake the funk. I

mean, if the show is going to portray O.C. teenagers as snobby,

violent, ego-maniacal druggies, it could at least give the local

businesses some props.

Apparently, they tried to film here before the pilot aired, but

city Film Liaison Joe Cleary dissuaded them. For some strange reason,

Cleary thought it would not be a good idea to unleash Hollywood film

crews during the Fourth of July weekend. This is a teen drama, right?

Not “Cops.” But they are both Fox shows, so it could have been a

win-win for the network. But it was a no go.

Now they are back, hoping to add some credibility to the story of

a dirty-blond thug from the ghettos of Chino who gets adopted by a

bleeding heart public defender and comes to Newport Beach, only to

fall in love with the anorexic, alcoholic girl next door and become

the arch enemy of her boyfriend, who can’t go five minutes without

picking a fight with someone.

Shoot, throw in a shot of Ruby’s on the pier -- and my elbow --

and you’ve practically got yourself a documentary.

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and

covers culture and the arts. She may be reached at (949) 574-4275 or

by e-mail at [email protected].