Don’t turn away in dark times

“There is no need to plead that the love of God shall fill our heart

as though he were unwilling to fill us. He is willing as light is

willing to flood a room that is opened to its brightness; willing as

water is willing to flow into an emptied channel. Love is pressing

round us on all sides like air. Cease to resist, and instantly love

takes possession.”

-- AMY CARMICHAEL

“I don’t fit anywhere, I don’t feel loved, frankly I’m not too

sure who I am anymore, and my life seems dark, no matter what the

weather is outside,” a friend said to me. “I keep begging God to help

me, but I don’t know if he is or isn’t, or if he doesn’t love me any

more after all the mistakes I’ve made. I keep trying, but feel like I

don’t get anywhere. I’m probably more depressed than I realize.

“Does any of this make sense, Cindy?” she asked.

“It makes sense to me.” I answered. “We all feel that way at

times, especially when something unexpected and unwanted crashes into

our lives.”

She was truly sincere, filled with tears and fears about the

changing direction of her life. It was a change she didn’t want, and

fought as hard as she could, but in the end, she ended up the single

mother of a teenage child.

My friend confided that she thought that she knew all about God

and knew God personally, but she’d turned away from him when it

seemed like he’d abandoned her. She came to realize that turning her

back on God only added to her problems, and she decided she’d prefer

a lighter heart filled with God’s love than the darkness she’d been

experiencing.

She talked, and I listened. I told her that I wished I had

something perfect and profound to say that would solve her problems

and take away the pain, but life doesn’t work that way. God doesn’t

work that way.

I don’t always understand how or why God does things the way he

does, but it’s obviously up to him and not to me. We talked and

prayed for God’s help and guidance, and agreed that we need to trust

that God is always at work, loves us and answers prayers, even if we

don’t feel like he does.

I didn’t hear from her for awhile, but I left messages on her

answering machine.

One day I returned home and was greeted with her sweet and

cheerful voice on my machine. She sounded like a different person. I

returned the call and asked her what had changed.

“My circumstances are still bad, but my attitude has changed,” she

answered. “Instead of obsessing about my problems, I’ve tried

focusing more on God and how he has faithfully provided for my needs.

I haven’t starved and I’m able to pay my rent. I’m trusting that he

loves me, even though I feel so unlovable.”

I was thrilled for her and thankful for the reminder that God

doesn’t hold grudges and is gracious and merciful. God is able to

bring his love and light into all the dark areas of our lives.

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at

[email protected] or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,

Newport Beach, CA 92658.