Tips on helping keep kids safe

John J. Collins

*EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the second of four commentaries that will run

in April, which is child abuse prevention month. The final two will

run on the next Thursdays. John J. Collins is director of community

programs for Childhelp USA, a Costa Mesa-based nonprofit that works

for the prevention and treatment of child abuse.

This week’s column has general and specific child abuse prevention

ideas. Keep this in mind as you read: 90% of people who abuse

children are known to the child, and the average child abuse victim

age is between 8 and 11 years old.

Begin your safety training early.

Know where your child is at all times. Be familiar with their

friends and daily activities.

Be sensitive to changes in your child’s behavior; they may be a

signal that you should sit down and talk to your child about what

caused the changes.

Be alert to a teenager or adult who is paying an unusual amount of

attention to your child or giving them inappropriate or expensive

gifts.

Teach your child to trust their own feelings, and assure them that

they have the right to say “no” to what they sense is wrong.

Listen carefully to your children’s fears, and be supportive in

all your discussions with them.

Teach your child that no one should approach them or touch them in

a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. If someone does, they

should tell you immediately.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children suggests

the following basic rules for safety be taught to children:

As soon as possible all children should know their own telephone

number; know how to reach their parents/guardians at any time; know

which relatives and neighbors to call when help is needed; and know

who and when to access emergency services. Tell them they can call

911 from a payphone without money. Knowing that there are “helping”

people who are just a phone call away is very reassuring to a child.

Please discuss with your child who the “helping” adults are in the

neighborhood and how they can be contacted. Creating a “neighborhood

network” of caring people who watch out for each others children is

important for everyone’s safety and peace of mind.

“Check first” tells your child to ask your permission to go places

and do things -- even with people they know. This rule not only helps

you to know where your children are but also provides you an

opportunity to restrict your child’s movement to a place or with

somebody that way not be to your liking.

The “buddy system” reminds children to stick together with others

when they are out in public and going to and from places. A child

with friends or family is less likely to be a victim.

Your child should learn that it is OK to say “no” to touches that

make them feel uncomfortable, confused, embarrassed, or frightened.

They should be told to say “no” and then “go” and “tell” if they are

bothered by an inappropriate touch by someone. No one should touch

the parts of the body covered by the bathing suit, nor should anyone

else ask to be touched in those areas. Their body is special and

private.

Sometimes children are tricked into keeping inappropriate touching

a secret. Children may not confide in adults because they do not want

to “tattle” or because they are afraid their parents will be angry or

will not believe them.

Please let your child know that you will listen to them if they

need to tell you about something that made them uncomfortable.

Reassure your child that you will always love her/him no matter what

happens.

Children have inner warning feelings that help them sense when a

situation might be dangerous. If your child is uncomfortable around a

person or does not feel safe in a setting, please encourage him or

her to share these feelings with you. Reassure your child that you

will take their warning feelings seriously. Sometimes children are

more sensitive than adults and pick up early signs that something is

not right. Please do not dismiss these feelings as foolish or

unwarranted without investigation.

Teach children to never tell anyone on the phone that they are

home alone. The child should respond by saying, “My mother/father

can’t come to the phone now. Can I take a message?” It is even better

if there is an answering machine and the children learn how to screen

the calls.

Teach children never to answer the door when home alone.

Teach children what to do if they are separated from their parents

while shopping. They should never leave the store you were in and go

to the nearest cash register and ask for help. Children should never

go into the parking lot to look for their a parent’s car.

No one should be asking them for directions or to look for a “lost

puppy” or telling them that their mother or father is in trouble and

that he will take him/her to them -- remember to “check first.”

If someone tries to take them somewhere by force, quickly get away

from him or her and yell or scream, “This man is trying to take me

away” or “This person is not my father [or mother].”

Don’t encourage the personalization of a child’s clothing or

belongings. Being able to identify a child by name is the first step

in making contact with a child that an abductor looks for. Instead,

if parents must identify their child’s things, do it in a place that

isn’t readily visible, like the inside of a lunch box, the inside of

a backpack or the inside collar of a shirt.

Teach children to always create a physical distance between

themselves and someone they don’t know. If they are approached, teach

them to stand back and be ready to run.

Please review these rules with your child and encourage them to

use these rules in their everyday activities.

If you have some questions or concerns here are some good

information sources:

* Childhelp USA at (800) 4-A-CHILD or www.childhelpusa.org

* National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at (714)

508-0150

* Prevent Child Abuse Orange County at (714) 258-2272 or

www.pcaoc.org

* Orange County Child Abuse Registry at (714) 940-1000

* Or contact me at (714) 481-8312