A tough six months

Lolita Harper

She had one night to tell him how much she loves him. Only a few

hours before her son would start asking where daddy was. Just 90

minutes to cherish her husband before he left for war.

And six agonizing months before he would return.

“It hit me this morning,” said Carrie Spence said Friday evening

while bidding her husband good-bye from Camp Pendleton. “It hit me

hard and it’s not fun.”

Her husband, Charles Alexander Spence, whom everyone simply calls

“Cass,” spent Friday in quarantine and was scheduled to leave for

Kuwait this morning.

Carrie, who had been in denial about his leaving just days

earlier, said she broke down in tears Friday morning while putting

her makeup on.

“She’s a strong woman,” Cass said. “Anyone that can put up with

[me] has got to be strong.”

Carrie Spence, her two young children, Cass’ parents and longtime

friend Dan Hill traveled to the base for Family Night, one last

evening to spend with him. He gave them a tour of the barracks,

introduced them to his men and spent quality time with each one

before he said goodbye.

Cass ran around with his rambunctious 2-year-old, Connor, and all

the family took turns holding 7-week-old McKayla -- all except Cass,

who could not touch her because of his recent small pox vaccination.

“That’s the hardest part of this whole thing,” he said. “I just

want to hold her.”

Carrie watched her husband pack his things and made sure he wasn’t

forgetting anything. She sat quietly at times, just watching her

husband interact with Connor.

Corinne Spence, Cass’s mother, was holding chubby McKayla and took

breaks from nuzzling her chubby cheeks to watch the interaction

between the two generations of Spence boys.

Both Mrs. Spences looked lovingly at their “baby” boys and

wondered what the next six months had in store for them.

“I told Connor daddy is going on a trip,” Carrie said. “He has no

concept of time, so when he asks me over time where daddy is, I’m

just going to say he is at work.”

Her blue-eyed toddler shrieked loudly as his father picked him up

and tickled him.

“Chase me, chase me,” the toddler would say.

“Don’t you just want to eat him with a spoon?” Corinne Spence said

about her grandson.

They repeated their goodbyes, which they had said Tuesday before

Cass left to report at Camp Pendleton. His battalion has spent the

last three days readying to be shipped out.

The love from her grandchildren’s welcoming embraces and their

sweet warm breath would always remind her of her “baby,” who was

readying for a very adult mission. It’s always someone’s baby who has

to fight for freedom, but why did it have to be hers? she asked.

“They are not even going to send him on a slow boat to China,”

Corinne Spence said. “He’s going to get on a plane and he will be

there in a matter of hours.”

It was the second time she had seen him leave for war, but she was

no more prepared Tuesday than she had been for the Gulf War.

“He’d better come back,” she said then. “He’d better come back

exactly the way he is.”

Although Cass Spence had assured his mother a thousand times that

he would return, she could not swallow the lump that had formed in

her throat when she found out her son was being deployed.

“There was always talk of him going, but we didn’t finally know

until the other day,” she said.

Corinne Spence looked back down at her granddaughter, McKayla, who

was covered from heel to toe in pink fleece. She nuzzled her rosy

cheeks and held her close.

“Isn’t she just precious?” she asked.

Corinne reaffirmed that Carrie Spence would have a strong family

support system to help her while Cass was away. Carrie and Cass grew

up in Newport Beach, and their families were just a city away. And

Carrie’s best friend lives just down the street, Corinne said.

“We have a very large family support network,” Corinne said.

Carrie and Cass, two Newport Beach kids, unknowingly lived next

door to each other for months. Cass said he would watch his beautiful

neighbor come and go.

One day, he saw she was moving out, so he offered to help. They

got to talking, and Carrie learned that Cass used to surf with her

brothers. Apparently, the young Carrie had been confiding to her

brothers about her intriguingly handsome neighbor.

On their first date, their fate was sealed.

“We sat in the booth in the back, and Tony the bartender made sure

no one bothered us,” Cass said. “I had a beer that lasted two hours

and, by the end of the night, I told her I was going to marry her.”

“I know,” she said.

In two years, they were Mr. and Mrs. Spence.

Now, two children and a mortgage later, she faces the next six

months without the love of her life. Cass said her love and his

precious children are all he needs to keep him safe.

“The cycle is complete,” he said, as Connor ran outside. “Now all

I have to do is bring my [rear end] back in six months.”

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns and covers culture and the arts.

Contact her at (949) 574-4275 or by e-mail at

[email protected].