Just a couple of things to work on

WHAT’S SO FUNNY

I love a clean slate, which is why New Year’s is my favorite

holiday.

I used to make one major resolution a year, but my self-esteem

always suffered when I broke it, and mental health professionals tell

you that maintaining a minimum level of self-esteem is important. Or

if they don’t, they should.

This year, my original resolution was to write something that gets

into “Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations.” It’s possible; they’ve lowered

the bar considerably. It’s not just Shakespeare, the Bible and Oscar

Wilde anymore. “Show me the money” got in. But it’s still a toughie.

I might not make it.

So I’ve resolved to do the following:

1. Learn my local streets. I’ve been in Laguna since 1986, and

it’s time I stopped mixing up Ocean and Forest.

2. Go to the beach and stare at the ocean until I get some kind of

profound thought. If not profound, then sensible. That’s what the

horizon is for.

3. Go through the day without drinking a Diet Pepsi. Just one day,

to prove I’m free.

4. Do something about the mayonnaise jars full of change in the

closet. You can’t get in there.

5. Watch a City Council meeting from beginning to end. This is a

tall order. Unless the issue has emotional resonance, like parking

meter rates, I can’t take the conversation. My head falls right off

my neck. An immature reaction; needs to be addressed.

6. Learn to think more seriously. Consider the big issues. A

little less baseball and a little more foreign policy. A little less

comedy and a little more spirituality.

7. Go blond.

I showed this list to my wife, Patti Jo, and she suggested some

additional resolutions for me. They have to do with the way I flip

the pillows around in my sleep and get grease spots on my shirts and

how we don’t go out enough. She prefaced these remarks, however, by

saying that I was perfect overall.

There’s wisdom and tolerance in that overview, and I think we

should all consider it when we choose our resolutions. After a

certain number of years, it’s impossible to repaint the whole canvas.

Better to think of it as touching up a masterpiece.

* Sherwood Kiraly is very much a work in progress.