The Day Before the Christmas

NATURAL PERSPECTIVES

With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the house,

No computer was working, not even a mouse.

Wetlands weren’t restored, the mesa wasn’t bought,

Shipley had no ranger; we were overwrought.

The ocean wasn’t cleaned of bacteria with care,

And no column ideas floated on air.

We couldn’t get started; we just had no thrust;

Our Independent column looked like a bust.

Then out of our office there arose such a clatter,

We dashed to our printer to see what was the matter.

We noticed that Windows had started to crash,

And all of our files were lost in a flash.

Our trusty old monitor had started to glow,

Giving a luster of midday to the keyboard below.

It had served us well, but its time had come,

We needed a new one with bells and chrome.

Where could we get such a wondrous new toy?

We cried some real tears; they were not from joy.

Then what to our wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh flying over the pier.

The magical sled was pulled by a duck,

Headed straight for the wetlands. Oh, what luck.

The bearded old driver looked at Bolsa Chica,

Shouting, “This is it! I found it. Eureka.”

He circled the town, viewing wetlands and more,

Finally landing on the pond near our front door.

“This town is a mess,” said the kindly old gent.

“But I can fix it all, I’m confident.”

He unloaded his pack and went straight to his work,

Muttering in his beard that Bill Gates was a jerk.

The man dressed in fur from his head to his foot

Said this time our computer was really kaput.

He plugged in a new one and booted it up,

And loaded in software without a foul-up.

Then in a twinkling, he uploaded Word,

So we knew right away this guy was a nerd.

He loaded in Windows and Office 2000,

And talked of his love for our local coastland.

He ate all our cookies and drank all our rum,

Then typed lots of words to help with this column.

More rapid than eagles his fingers they sped,

He didn’t even need to change the print head.

Then out spewed a column, so lively and quick,

That we knew in a flash it was done by St. Nick.

Santa grabbed all his tools and jumped in his sleigh,

And promised to come back on another day.

He shouted to us before town he did flee,

“You’re getting wetlands and mesa in 2003! “

* VIC LEIPZIG and LOU MURRAY are Huntington Beach residents and

environmentalists. They can be reached at [email protected].