REEL CRITICS

Welcome to Allen’s Hollywood and whine

I’ll get right to the point. Woody Allen’s brief appearance at this

year’s Academy Awards show was far more charming and witty than his

newest writing and directing effort, “Hollywood Ending.”

It’s not exactly a bad movie, but certainly disappointing in

comparison to previous gems such as “Annie Hall,” “Hannah and Her

Sisters,” or even “Small Time Crooks.” “Hollywood Ending” is a one-joke

premise and a tired rerun of Allen’s more inspired performances.

Allen plays Val Waxman, a renowned but difficult director who can only

get offers to direct ads for deodorant or geriatric diapers. When ex-wife

and film producer Ellie (Tea Leoni) comes across a script for a New York

period drama, she immediately wants to sign him but not without

opposition. Studio exec Hal (Treat Williams) isn’t fully convinced that

Val is capable of making a hit picture under budget. Val, in turn, is

still bitter toward Ellie for dumping him for Hal.

Just before shooting begins, Val is stricken with a case of hysterical

blindness. With his comeback now on the line, Val’s trusty agent, Al

(fellow director Mark Rydell), convinces him to lie about it and get the

picture made anyway.

Lots of physical shtick produces the occasional chuckle, but the

constant whining and bickering wear you down. Allen needs to play Val

either dumber or smarter, instead of just cranky. And at 66, the concept

of beautiful and very young women (including Debra Messing and Tiffani

Thiessen) being attracted to him is starting to take on an “eeww”

quality.

The inclusion of a secondary story line about Val’s estranged son is

puzzling, as well as the hasty and unconvincing wrap-up of all the plot

points. It’s as though Allen ran out of steam and just wanted to get the

picture over with, giving a new meaning to the term “fade-out.”

“Hollywood Ending” is rated PG-13 for some drug references and sexual

material.

* SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant for

a financial services company.

Sex sells in ‘Unfaithful’ remake, but don’t buy it

“Unfaithful is a remake of Claude Chabrol’s “La Femme Infidele.” That

was a sizzling “art” film. This is not.

Suburban housewife of 11 years Connie Sumner (Diane Lane) is out on a

shopping spree when she falls into the Soho loft of a charming Frenchman,

book dealer Paul Martel (Oliver Martinez). Guess what happens? They hit

the sheets.

Martinez, the actor playing the “afternoon delight,” was apparently

not director Adrien Lyne’s first choice. Lyne let his daughter pick the

actor. Well, they should have auditioned more men. Martinez’s full-bodied

antics in bed, bathroom and beyond became lackluster after the 20th soft

porn panorama.

As in most stories of infidelity, you have a wife with the

picture-perfect life, including a beautiful home and intelligent son

(Erik Per Sullivan), and a drop-dead gorgeous spouse, Edward (Richard

Gere), who works hard and is mad about his woman.

Gere, the consummate actor that he is, doesn’t quite pull off this

character casting. Most of his career, he has played an adulterous male.

If you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, to find out that the

husband is having an affair too, that doesn’t happen.

Instead, Edward becomes suspicious of his wife, who is forced to tell

lies. To add to the uncertainties, he discovers new lacy undergarments,

prompting him to hire a detective to follow her. Are you bored yet?

You keep looking at Lane and seeing Sharon Stone. Remember that the

majority of Lyne’s films show perfect bodies and stage sex -- “Fatal

Attraction,” “Indecent Proposal,” “Lolita.” All that aside, Lane gives a

superb performance, showing us a range of emotions from laughter to guilt

to sadness, all without speaking a word in one scene.

Cut the steam out of the sex, and you would have had a perfect

made-for-TV movie. Too many questions unanswered, the conflicts never

unravel, and the ending . . . we won’t tell, but we know they cut five

seconds. Most of the audience were shaking their heads, “What just

happened?”

“Unfaithful” barely scratches the surface of its conflicts. The pace

picks up near the end, but it’s too late.

“Unfaithful” is rated R for sexuality, language and a scene of

violence.

* GAY WASSALL-KELLY is the editor of a Balboa newspaper and is active

in the community. BILL KELLY is an industrial engineer.