Comments & Curiosities -- Peter Buffa

“Do you miss the City Council?”

I get that a lot.

“Well... do you?” they ask.

“Yes and no,” I answer.

Some things I miss, some I don’t. Among the things I definitely miss

are the strange, off-center people and stories that stroll through the

door of City Hall on any given day.

One reliable source of entertainment when I was doing the city thing

was storefront health clinics -- massage parlors, acupuncture clinics,

that sort of thing. Most of them are professional and legit, with

licensed practitioners, etc. But some of them are fronts for the world’s

oldest profession. No, not telemarketing. You know, men, women, money --

that profession.

They pop up like dandelions in one place, move to the next city when

the heat is on, then back to where they started. These places are all

over Orange County and our fair cities are no exception. The people who

run these scams are very, umm, colorful, and would always liven up a

council meeting whenever they appeared at the microphone to plead their

case. Some great stories to tell, but we’ll save those for another day.

Anyway, you can imagine my surprise when I fetched my copy of a

newspaper called the Los Angeles Times from my slightly slanted driveway

and found this story: “Kinky Therapy for Your Back: Desperate times for

chiropractors drive some to set up shop with prostitution rings,

officials say. Operators say they were tricked.”

Hmm. Masseuses, acupuncturists, and now chiropractors -- this is a

whole new twist.

Apparently, chiropractic clinics in Anaheim, Westminster and our very

own Santa Ana Heights have been aligning a lot more than spines. But it’s

the “Operators say they were tricked” part that interests me most. The

offending clinic in Anaheim was called “Dr. Jim’s Midnight Therapy.”

According to Times reporter Monte Morin -- whom I know and will gladly

vouch for, by the way -- “Dr. Jim” is in fact one James F. Aquila, who

describes himself as a “New Age” healer who dispenses spinal adjustments

and psycho-biochemical therapy, along with electro-acupuncture, hypnosis

and botanical elixirs.

Oh, OK. Now I understand. Dr. Jim focuses on “utilizing the mind-body

connection” and “channeling spiritual flow.” I must say, I am in total

agreement with Dr. Jim on the channeling part. When my spiritual flow

backs up, I am just plain miserable.

When the Anaheim law enforcement authorities visited Dr. Jim’s clinic,

the vibes they picked up, however, weren’t quite as New Age. Aside from

the “Midnight Therapy” shingle, the “therapists” were a number of young

women in miniskirts that were very, umm, mini. The therapists made the

mistake of offering alternative treatments to the wrong customers in

exchange for cash. Oops. Thus, Dr. Jim now faces charges of operating a

house of ill repute.

Quite the contrary, claims Aquila. He says he is 100% innocent, and

the victim himself of dishonest, unscrupulous and thoroughly unpleasant

people.

Apparently, the last few years have been rough sledding for Aquila,

who is indeed a trained, licensed chiropractor with 30 years experience.

He filed for bankruptcy in 1995 and things went downhill from there. As

Aquila explains in the Times article: “The bills were mounting. There was

just this unbelievable set of circumstances that have hit me.”

On one recent but ill-fated day, Dr. Jim saw an ad in a local paper

for an experienced chiropractor to manage a clinic in Anaheim. According

to Aquila: “It was for $40 an hour, which looked good to me. I didn’t

think too much about it. They assured me everything was on the up and

up.”

OK, see? This is that “operators say they were tricked” part that

caught my eye to begin with. Let’s review.

The psycho-biochemical-hypnosis-botanical elixir business takes a

header, so Dr. Jim’s finances become totally misaligned. Nothing to be

ashamed about, Doc, we’ve all been there. Still and all, I would think

when you show up for your interview, the “Midnight Therapy” sign on the

door would have raised a tiny little red flag. And what about the

“therapists” who look like they just stepped out of a Destiny’s Child

video and don’t know their gluteus maximus from their ulna. Did that ring

a bell? Apparently not.

Lest you think these things only happen in the shadow of the happiest

place on earth, there’s always “Birch Acu-Therapy” in Santa Ana Heights.

In this case, authorities say the “therapists” were young Korean women

who arrived each day by taxi from Koreatown in Los Angeles.

Apparently, getting your spiritual flow channeled at Birch Acu-Therapy

was very pricey. Of course, if you’re transporting your

psycho-biochemical/electro-acupuncture therapists by taxi from Los

Angeles to Orange County every day, it would have to be.

The tip-off came from a number of neighboring business owners, who

were puzzled by the constant stream of Mercedes, Jags and Beemers in and

out of the parking lot, not a one with a female behind the wheel.

So there you have it -- one more example of the life’s lesson of which

I am reminded time and again. Whenever you think you have seen it all,

you are mistaken. Fair warning. If your mind-body connection needs

tightening, don’t go anyplace that starts with “Midnight,” and ask to see

the therapists first. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays.

He may be reached via e-mail at o7 [email protected] .