Sideline Chatter: Would-be robber picked the wrong ‘victim’ this time

How do you say “Do you feel lucky, punk?” in Portuguese?

Two would-be robbers in Acailandia, Brazil, made the mistake of choosing Monique Bastos for a street target, and Bastos an MMA fighter on her way to jujitsu training quickly put one in a rear-naked chokehold and switched it to a triangle choke with her legs until police arrived 15 minutes later.

Headlines

At Fark.com: “Marshawn Lynch’s mom ODs on Skittles, shoulda had a Snickers instead.”

At TheOnion.com: “Giants move Tom Coughlin to assisted-coaching facility.”

Bubble gum not included

The Philadelphia Phillies, to commemorate the Pope’s upcoming U.S. visit, handed out “Pope Francis rookie cards” at last Wednesday’s game against the nationals.

They’re also available in Cardinals and Padres team sets, we hear.

Name of the Week

College Football Division, courtesy of Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel: “The Oklahoma safety who gave the one-finger salute to Tennessee fans last week in Knoxville: Hatari Byrd.”

Pump up the profits

In honor of the Deflategate Patriots playing in Buffalo on Sunday, the Bills’ merchandise shop at Ralph Wilson Stadium has a special kiosk of air pumps for sale.

So what’ll they do the next time the Giants come to town put up a fireworks stand?

Sitting-room only

The Dolphins’ Ndamukong Suh bought recliners for himself and his fellow D-linemen so they can kick back during meetings.

On the downside, he’s already stomped six ottomans into submission.

Read my lips

Caught smooching on the “Kiss Cam” at Turner Field in Atlanta: former President Jimmy Carter, 90, and his wife Rosalynn.

Though he insists he was just there to watch the Braves kiss their season goodbye.

Talko tim

Indians manager Terry Francona, after the technician at Cleveland’s Progressive Field mistakenly set off fireworks when the Royals’ Alex Rios hit a home run: “I hope that guy’s not in charge of the Fourth of July fireworks. It might be in August.”

Bud Shaw of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, on the Browns extending their opening-day losing streak to 11 years: “All records are made to be broken. Just not always in our lifetime.”

RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on reports that U.S. scientists designing an “invisibility cloak” that makes objects disappear: “Who have they been testing it on, the Nationals?”

Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel, after Giants QB Eli Manning blamed himself for poor clock management in a last-minute loss to Dallas: “To be fair, Manning lost count and thought Tony Romo still had one interception left to throw.”

Rock the baby

Rassler-turned-actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and his girlfriend are expecting a baby.

Applying the cradle hold, we assume, won’t be a problem.

(c)2015 The Seattle Times

Visit The Seattle Times at www.seattletimes.com

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.