Apodaca: A grandma by any other name is still as sweet

I am eagerly anticipating the fast-approaching arrival of my first grandchild. Naturally, I am over the moon.

Friends who have traveled this road before me tell me that being a grandparent is “the best.” They gush about the joy they’ve experienced, and assure me that I, too, will find deep fulfillment in this new role. And I believe them wholeheartedly.

But I’ve been a bit flummoxed by one question that inevitably follows the announcement of my impending grandparenthood: What name will I have my grandchild call me?

“You can’t just be �Grandma,’” one friend insisted.

Accuse me of being slow-witted, out-of-touch or simply lacking imagination, but that is exactly what I had assumed I would be called. It’s the traditional, default moniker for American women in my position, so I hadn’t given it any thought beyond that. Sure, I had heard some cute granny nicknames that my friends had decided upon, but I had somehow missed the more expansive reality that alternative grandparent names are now all the rage.

I suppose it was inevitable that the individualistic, we-do-it-our-way generation, of which I am a member, would want to rewrite grandparent rules, starting with the word itself. A quick survey of some of my friends revealed a wide array of choices for those who would otherwise be known as Grandma: Poppy, Grappy, Omi, DeDe, Gigi, YaYa and few Mimis.

Let’s not leave out the grandfather names, which can be equally whimsical. One friend told me her husband decided to honor his own mother’s Irish heritage with his grandpa name. He went with Seamus, which is adorably pronounced by their toddler grandchild as “Say-Muss.” Another friend’s grandad name is Jaunty, which in tot-speak comes out as “John-Key.” More adorableness.

Granted, some of the attempts at cuteness or uniqueness can seem a bit odd. I try to stay open to new ideas generally, but I will pass on the following: Glamma, a glamorous-Grandma mashup, which is definitely not a good fit for me; Big Mama, which to my ears is more crime boss than loving matriarch; and Maw Maw, largely because my first thought on hearing this one is that it could come out sounding like a crow squawking.

Some of the suggested grandma names I found on a published list were so wacky I wasn’t entirely sure they were meant to be taken seriously. Here’s a sampling: Peaches; the “hippie names” Hopie, Mumssy, Fairy Mother and Granny Pie; and Yo Grandma. Serious or not, I’m a hard no on all of them.

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Perhaps such eccentricities are why some commentators think the grandparent-naming craze has gotten out of hand. One advice columnist fielded a question from a mom who thought her mother-in-law’s preference for her grandmother nickname was “bonkers” and wanted to know what to do about it. (She was counseled to calm down and embrace the bonkers.) Still others have suggested that the trend reflects an egocentric streak mixed with a strain of self-delusion about a word they associate with old age.

There might be some truth in that last observation. Indeed, many grandparents I’ve spoken with are candid about their desire to avoid a name that calls to mind images of a gray-haired granny tending to her knitting while rocking by a fire.

But now that I’ve had time to think it over, I’d argue that this penchant isn’t mere conceit; rather, it’s an extension of a refreshing, modern vision of grandparenthood.

“Grandma” just sounds too darn old for a generation that is intent on remaining vital, active and involved in their grandkids’ lives. Today’s grandparents — many of them, anyway — play pickleball, go on hikes and run marathons. Don’t dare suggest that they sit at home waiting for the occasional obligatory family visit — they’re ready to show up and participate in all that life still has to offer, and they’ll continue to do so for as long as they can.

I have also found that many of the alternative names for grandparents have charming origin stories. They might derive from a grandparent’s initials, or from their ancestry or culture. Other names reflect grandparents’ interests or occupations. Some arise organically through meaningful family interactions, while others can fulfill a long-desired wish to be known by a favored name. Why go for the generic when you can have a name that carries a special meaning?

Whatever the reason or the process for selecting a name that fits, I say go for it. Becoming a grandparent is a wondrous event, and for the current batch of grannies and granddads who want to be active participants in the lives of the newest generation, using names that speak to their individual personalities and their unique bonds with their grandchildren actually makes a lot of sense.

That being said, I have no idea what I will be called by my grandchild. I prefer to wait and just see what feels right. I still have no objection to going with the old standard, but if some other idea pops up and sticks, then I too will go for it.

Not Fairy Mother though. I have to draw the line somewhere.