Lifting sex stigmas

A table filled with toys rests below the dim lights. The class, looking on, giggles at the awkward nature of the conversation, but is tempted to learn at the same time. It’s hard to imagine they are getting college credit for learning about sex toys.

In America, it is often difficult to talk about sex, but Professor Olga Cox tries to make it a little easier every day. She teaches human sexuality at Orange Coast College to try to clear the air, open the conversation and bring truth to myths surrounding the often-taboo subject.

“My class is not the typical college course,” she said. “We are sexual all our lives. Sexuality is part of being a human being.”

Cox’s class covers a wide range of subjects concerning sex. While the physical act is discussed, and better love-making a subject of daily discussion, the class also explores anatomy, risks and safety such as sexually transmitted diseases, safe sex — including condoms but also the mentality of healthy sex, and various perspectives and people.

Speakers in the class range from those in the porn industry, transgenders and transvestites, a manager at a local sex shop, lesbians and gays, and others — each providing his or her own personal experience or insight.

Students heard the story of a transvestite man, who spoke to them dressed as a woman, about the personal life and thoughts of a person who lives that lifestyle. Students sat, in awe, at the intimacy of the conversation as the speaker attempted to shed myths.

And while some people may criticize the course for what could be termed offensive or provocative discourse, Cox thinks it is a necessary conversation.

“We have to experience discomfort,” she said. “If we avoid situations that are uncomfortable we get trapped.”

According to Cox, there isn’t enough education about sex out there, and that leads to ignorance, irresponsible decisions, and strain on relationships.

She says most men don’t understand the scope of rape, that women often don’t say yes to sex and instead “let it happen,” and that most people are not very good lovers, Cox says.

“We do things backward,” she said. “People jump in and do stuff but can’t talk [about sex].”

The class is about understanding, and understanding oneself relates to understanding sex, according to Cox. She stresses that if an individual is not sure, or not saying “yes” to sex, that they shouldn’t engage in it. First, according to Cox, it is about feeling comfortable.

“With my partner and I, we have become more outspoken with what I want,” said Kathy Love, a parent of three children. “It doesn’t always have to be sex. It can just be interaction, getting close.”

Because people don’t talk enough about sex, Cox believes society has developed stereotypes that individuals try to fit into. Men try to be macho, and women are concerned with body image, Cox said.

To help diminish stereotypes and enlighten her students, Cox, who is a sex therapist as well, answers anonymous questions from students.

“People are hungry to talk about it,” Cox said.

She said the class attracts a range of individuals, liberal or conservative, sexually active persons and those who aren’t. Her classes range from 100 students to 350, a tribute to its popularity.

“Coming into the class, I was really hesitant. I wasn’t open to the [sexual] environment yet,” student Jonathan Allen said. “It has been really eye-opening to me, how much sexuality is a part of our lives wherever we go.”

DANIEL TEDFORD may be reached at (714) 966-4632 or at [email protected].