COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:We need a law against silly lawsuits

Are you frivolous? I am. Well, sometimes. But if you want to set people on full buzz at your next dinner party, these two words should do it: “frivolous lawsuits.” What are they? Good question. Frivolousness — like beauty, fine wine and who has the best pizza — is in the eye of the beholder. To most of us, a frivolous lawsuit is silly and intended only to make a point or money or both. To trial lawyers, not so much.

Personally, I have to vote with the “most of us” team. Frivolous lawsuits are a real problem, and they cost everyone a bundle, which is a lot. That’s why a Newport Beach woman named Maryann Maloney is trying to do something about them. I say three cheers for Maryann. Go ahead, do three cheers. I’ll wait. Done? Good. Maloney heads up Orange County Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse, a Corona del Mar-based advocacy group that claims Orange County cities and the County of Orange coughed up more than $20 million over the last two years in the form of settlements and legal fees as a result of frivolous lawsuits.

Of course, the poster child for frivolous lawsuits — and her poster hangs on the walls of both consumer advocates and trial lawyers — is Stella Liebeck of Albuquerque, N.M. Stella’s name might not ring a bell, but her lawsuit will. In 1992, Stella, 79 at the time, buys a McCoffee at a McDonald’s drive-through, spills the whole thing on her lap and is burned badly enough to be hospitalized. Stella and McDonald’s end up in court, and two years later, a jury awards Stella $200,000 in compensatory damages and, gulp, $2.7 million in punitive damages. With that verdict, Stella becomes an instant and unwitting celebrity and the symbol of everything that is wrong with the legal system. She makes it into the opening monologue of every late-night talk show, including Jay Leno, who suggests a new warning on McDonald’s coffee cups: “Please allow to cool before applying to crotch area.”

Funny, said the trial lawyers, but not that funny. Here’s what the jurors heard that the talk show audiences didn’t. As it turns out, McDonald’s coffee is in fact served hotter than most fast-food outlets, and over the previous 10 years, the company had settled some 700 claims of scalding incidents from spilled coffee. Stella received third-degree and lesser burns on 16 percent of her body and was in the hospital for eight days undergoing skin grafts. Her initial claim against McDonald’s was $20,000 for her medical expenses, to which the company counter-offered $800. So yes, there are two sides to every coin and every lawsuit and every screen door, but still and all, the number of damage and personal injury claims against public agencies would send the average taxpayer into a deep funk.

Maryann Maloney and her organization cite the case of a woman who had been rollerblading on a sidewalk in Newport Beach, took a header then and sued the city for $30,210 — the amount she claimed she needed for her medical expenses and to compensate for the pain and suffering of worrying about an “increased risk of breast cancer.” I’m no expert on these things, or any other things, but suing because you fall on your face, which can result in a broken face, or on your hands (broken wrists) or on your patoot (broken patoot) is one thing, but how any of that is linked to an increased risk of breast cancer is not immediately apparent, at least not to me.

I have seen a lot of these things over the years, both with the City of Costa Mesa and elsewhere. Some claims are genuine but some are just a shot in the dark in the hopes of getting a quick settlement — and a lot of times it works, maddeningly enough. The cost of defending against these claims can be staggering, so a settlement of $5,000 to $10,000 can be the cheapest way out by far, although it does make you crazy.

One in particular that I remember was the parent who filed a suit against the school district and the city, among others, after their son, a high school wrestler, injured his elbow when it came down on the gym floor rather than the mat during a match. Why did the city get dragged into a dispute over a wrestling match in a high school gym? No particular reason, other than the law of deep pockets, which says if you’re going to sue, sue someone who has a really big bank account and hope they settle.

Then again, all those suits are child’s play compared to the world-class frivolous lawsuits, like Roel versus Las Vegas Hilton and Mandalay Bay.

Californian Stephen Roel, a frequent visitor and high roller at the two Las Vegas pleasure palaces in question, sued both hotels for “allowing” him to lose more than $1 million in one night. He claims that he was intoxicated, a lot, and since both casinos know him well, they should have recognized him, should have noted his diminished condition and should have stopped him from gambling, which is a lot of should haves. No judgment as yet.

So there you have it — everything you need to know about frivolous lawsuits, hot coffee, pizza and doubling down, except when you’re drunk. If that’s not enough, sue me. Just kidding.

I gotta go.