KIDS THESE DAYS:Elementary bullies vary

When I was 15, a couple of friends and I hitchhiked up Laurel Canyon Boulevard in Los Angeles to visit the home of another friend.

The four of us were sitting at the kitchen table when his mom came home from the supermarket.

As she was putting away the groceries, she said, “I saw an old high school boyfriend in the supermarket and you’ll never be- lieve what he did. I walked over to him, smiled and said ‘hello’ and he just ignored me.’”

I’m not sure whether the ex-boyfriend was the “dumper” or the “dumpee,” but I do recall thinking at the time that after about 20 years, the boyfriend should have gotten over it.

I recently attended my 30-year high school reunion. Many of the alumni were people who’d moved up together through the school system in Los Angeles, attending the same elementary, junior high and high schools.

In junior high, my friends and I traded barbs with other kids on a daily basis. It never got beyond the verbal stage.

“Jane” (not her real name) was a very nice girl who had the misfortune of attending school with a few of us who often made fun of her speech impediment.

“Joan” (also not her real name) had an anatomical issue and was not spared, either.

At the reunion, these two girls who were the subject of our stupid, childish comments were accompanied by their husbands, who made a point of reminding us of the damage we had done.

The women had shared the encounters with their husbands and carried their feelings around enough to bring it up at our reunion. One of the women, I was later told, had undergone therapy to deal with our immature behavior.

I remember hearing what the husbands said and thinking to myself that they must have been talking about some other boys. After all, we were just goofing off, making fun of others because that was our job.

These anecdotes bring me to the subject of bullying.

Six years ago, the Newport-Mesa Unified School District adopted a bullying policy that at the time was one of the toughest in the nation.

When I read the policy, I first thought that it was unenforceable and too harsh. I thought there was no way to stop the teasing that goes on and that trying to do so was a distraction that would take the eyes of the teachers and administrators off education. I still believe that. But I also believe that the board’s intent was good and my response was perhaps too hasty. My friend’s mom’s ex-boyfriend incident and the reunion encounters show just how devastating some of these experiences can be.

Although teasing and taunting will always be a part of the school experience, I now know that real bullying incidents are not to be taken lightly. I now know that many kids never really get over some of the brutal assaults, verbal and physical, that they encounter in our schools.

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for Jane and Joan to gather up the courage to come to school each day or to figure out a way to walk down the halls between classes so they wouldn’t encounter us.

I’m not sure where the district draws the line on what is considered bullying. I doubt that calling a kid “freckle-face,” for example, is worthy of expulsion or even a transfer to another campus. But there is something to be said for watching students more closely today.

Today, it’s different in our schools. Today, thanks to wide-open access to questionable media content and thanks to a lot of parents who just aren’t paying attention, kids are misbehaving on a much higher level.

My friends and I may have been jerks. But some of the stuff going on today is criminal.