JOSEPH N. BELL -- The Bell Curve

My hyperactive guilt required me to watch at least a portion of the

Republican National Convention. In the process, I became intrigued by the

story of Mary Cheney, the reportedly openly gay younger daughter of

George W. Bush’s running mate, Dick Cheney.

When a television reporter referred to the Cheney’s “gay daughter,�

Mary’s mother responded angrily that “Mary has never declared such a

thing� and added that she is not going to talk about her daughters’

personal lives -- although she already had talked about her other

daughter, who is properly married and has three children. Because this

topic isn’t going to go away in the long campaign ahead, Dick and Lynne

Cheney need to decide -- whatever Mary’s wishes may be -- how to handle

it publicly.

If Mary Cheney is indeed gay -- and there seems ample evidence in

published accounts that this is likely -- two suggestions occur to me.

First, if the Republicans are serious about this “compassionate

conservatism� stuff, they can demonstrate it dramatically by treating

Mary no less honestly than any of the other candidates’ children. And,

second, it is just as important for parents as it is for the gay person

to accept, respect and appreciate who they are.

I speak from experience. I have a sister-in-law who is gay. She also

has a life partner, two delightful and well-adjusted children and a

career of devoted public service in which she is presently in charge of

some 150 subordinates -- mostly men -- at a job level achieved by very

few women. And she didn’t get there easily.

When she realized in her teen years that her sexual orientation was

different from most of her classmates, she panicked. For 10 years, she

struggled desperately in dozens of ways to deny those feelings. The last

of those years she spent with Christian fundamentalists who assured her

that while she was getting fixed, it was all right to have homosexual

feelings but not to act on them.

“It took me a long time to realize that what I was really doing,� she

told me the other day, “was hiding from myself in religion. Now, I’m a

whole person who has a healthy relationship with God. I’m a practicing

Christian, secure in the knowledge that God accepts me for who I am.�

So does her family. My sister-in-law, her partner and their two

children are proud and deeply loved members of our extended family. There

is no need for them to hide themselves in the bosom of this family or for

the family to hide them from the outside world. They are warm,

compassionate, intelligent, hard-working and thoughtful human beings who

wonder -- as I do -- why a large segment of the society in which they

live finds it necessary to use a few scattered and obscure biblical

passages to reduce them to subhumans.

The Cheney situation is not a new problem for the Republicans. Last

month, for example, the scion of one of Massachusetts’ most prominent

Republican families withdrew from the party because he considers the

anti-gay planks in the party platform antagonistic to the rights of his

lesbian daughter. A few years earlier, Barry Goldwater -- who was once

“Mr. Republican� -- assailed the party for “fighting the gays� and

insisted on not just tolerance, but acceptance of the lifestyle of his

gay grandson and grandniece.

I have no knowledge of the personal feelings of the Republican

candidates on this matter. The feelings that have been expressed are

political. Any suggestion of official acceptance of gay people is

anathema to the Christian Right and therefore politically dangerous.

The brief exposure of the Republicans’ only acknowledged gay

congressman -- Jim Kolbe of Arizona -- on the convention platform was

probably pushing the edges, even for “compassionate conservatives.� It

was reported that some members of the Texas delegation prayed for him

during his four-minute speech.

But shouldn’t this be a matter that transcends political expediency? A

set of values that would subordinate the humanity of a loved one to the

voting muscle of any segment of society makes “compassionate

conservatism� sound like the ultimate hypocrisy. If this catch phrase is

to have any meaning at all, shouldn’t it be put into practice across the

board?

The complaint about the invasion of the private lives of candidates

and their families is legitimate. But the candidates can’t have it both

ways. They can’t use the personal achievements of one child -- as Lynne

Cheney did with her older daughter -- and then insist on a different set

of rules for another. And they can’t demand privacy for themselves while

looking the other way if it is denied to the opposition.

When my sister-in-law told us about her struggle in an emotional

meeting with her immediate family, there was neither consternation,

recrimination nor denial. Only love and support that started with her

parents and extended through her siblings and their mates. If anything,

that has grown stronger in the years since.

That is and properly should be a matter to be settled within the

family. But it is also a matter that should cause neither public shame

nor embarrassment. And for a major political party to pander to the fear

of gay people among some of its constituents is, as Barry Goldwater once

put it, “just plain dumb.�

* JOSEPH N. BELL is a resident of Santa Ana Heights. His column

appears Thursdays.