Keep a candle burning
AMY R. SPURGEON
NEWPORT BEACH -- There is no easy way to ask a grieving parent
about their child who has died. But members of the Orange Coast Chapter
of the Compassionate Friends, an international support group for bereaved
parents and siblings, make it a point to talk about the pain.
“It is OK to say the name of a dead child,” said Vickie Bridgman, whose
son Donny died in an automobile accident in Newport Beach in May 1997.
“You don’t want them forgotten because they are precious.”
Hundreds turned out in Peninsula Park at the Balboa Pier Sunday to light
candles in honor of their departed loved ones at the third annual
Worldwide Candle Lighting ceremony on National Children’s Memorial Day.
The cold weather forced participants to bundle up in scarves and winter
jackets.
Husbands and wives held on tightly to one another while children clung to
their parents. People wiped tears from each other’s cheeks while holding
long, white candles.
Donny Bridgman. Shawn Mellen. Sierra Soto, one of the two children killed
at a Costa Mesa preschool in May. These were but a few of the names read
during a teary-eyed memorial service. Long, solemn faces filled the
crowd.
And the holidays only make things worse, many said.
“There are no words to say how impossible they are,” said Bridgman, who
works for the Orange County District Attorney’s Office. “It is not fun to
go to the malls and hear people singing.”
Since Donny’s death, the Bridgman’s have altered their lifestyle during
the holidays. The family used to travel to their cabin in the mountains
during Christmas, but have since decided the event is too painful. Their
wounds are still too raw.
But support groups such as the Compassionate Friends have helped the
Bridgmans make the choice to survive. The Bridgman’s attend group
meetings twice a month at a senior center in Irvine.
“Donny’s spirit lives in our hearts,” Vickie Bridgman said. “He is with
us everyday.”
People who belong to the bereavement group say it is therapeutic because
it provides a forum to meet and talk with people who have experienced the
same traumatic loss.
“These are people who aren’t going to be telling you it is going to be
all right,” said Stacy Blumberg Garon of Mission Viejo, whose
18-month-old son Sasha drowned in June 1998. “These are people telling
you that you will survive it.”
Don Mellen’s 18-year-old son Shawn died in an automobile accident in
August. Members of Shawn’s Magnolia High School football team turned out
Sunday to pay respects to their friend. Shawn’s girlfriend Jennifer stood
with Mellen, crying on his shoulder.
Mellen said he will continue to go to football and wrestling events at
the school in honor of his son who was supposed to graduate in June.
Shawn attended Newport Harbor High School when he was a freshman and
sophomore.
Bridgman orchestrated Sunday’s event as a way of thanking her support
group and to help others who have lost a child.
“We are rebuilding and trying to heal the best way we can,” she said.
“The pain is not going to go away.”
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