Acceptance, love and commitment for 72 years

Noaki Schwartz

NEWPORT BEACH -- From 9 a.m. to noon every day, John Friso has a date.

He shows up at the SunBridge nursing home, like clockwork, sometimes

carrying a few flowers as he breezes through the hallways, greeting

everyone by name on his way to see his wife, Margaret.

Margaret, 92, has Alzheimer’s disease, which causes her mind to slip in

and out of different moments in her life. She has lived at the nursing

home since last spring.

It was hard for John, also 92, to take her to SunBridge. He worried that

she would miss him. It was also an admission that he could no longer take

care of his wheelchair-bound wife, said social worker Sylvia Zermeno.

Sometimes Margaret doesn’t even remember if John has come by. But she

always knows when he is there by her side, tenderly holding her hand and

anticipating her every need with a glance from those blue eyes.

They’ve been there for each other in sickness and in health for the last

72 years. Earlier this week, the nursing home threw the couple a party to

celebrate their anniversary.

The secret behind their marriage’s longevity is acceptance, John said.

Couples need to accept that “they are not the same.”

“You have to be nice to each other and understand each other,” John said.

The other keys are love and commitment.

“We love each other, don’t we Margaret?,” said John, gently covering her

hand with his own. She glanced back at him, and giggled girlishly.

Over the last 72 years, the Frisos’ level of commitment has been tested.

In the mid-1920s as the newlywedDutch couple made their way across the

world to live in America, they only had each other for support.

Back in 1926, when John met 19-year-old Margaret at his sister’s ballet

company in Holland, he said he was struck by how very pretty and calm

Margaret was. A year later, John suggested they get married. His parents

and many of his 10 siblings had left Holland in order to find a better

life in California and proposed that John join them.

“ ‘Margaret,’ I said, ‘what do you think?’,” John recalled. “She was very

agreeable.”And so they left the cold, wet Dutch weather and dismal job

prospects and moved to America. After a few jobs driving cabs and

cleaning houses for 50 cents an hour, John found found good work at a

shipyard just before World War II.

Although these days John doesn’t even wear a watch, back then he was

always looking for ways to save time. In 1942, John invented an object

resembling a sundial that accurately read the shipyard employee time

cards. The invention drew international attention but, more importantly,

it allowed John to finally fulfill a promise he had made to Margaret

before they left Holland: that they would return to visit her family.

In 1964 the couple took the same ship that had, almost 40 years earlier,

taken them from Europe through the Panama canal to Los Angeles. John

spent the next year taking Margaret through Europe first-class.

“They were good years back then, weren’t they Margaret?” John said to his

wife.

Since the early, trying times, the years have rolled along rather

quietly. While they’ve had their differences, there was never any real

question of letting go of what they have, John said.

“You must understand each other and don’t blow up at the first little

disappointment you have,” he said. “Try to calmly talk about it and don’t

dismiss it.”

Judging by their recent anniversary celebration, this advice is grounded

in 72 years of experience.

The party, organized by the staff at SunBridge who were touched by the

sweetness of the couple’s relationship, included a piano player, cake,

balloons and dozens of friends. And it was clear to those in attendance

that despite her condition, Margaret knew exactly what was going on.

“She was crying,” said Harumi Takeda, the home’s administrator. “And he

was shaking everyone’s hand.”