Stephen Colbert to CNN: Enough with the Joe Biden debate fantasies

Oct. 13, 2015 8:26 AM PT

The Democratic candidates for president will face off Tuesday night on CNN and, for now at least, vice president and possible contender Joe Biden is not scheduled to be on stage.

But that hasn’t stopped the network from fantasizing about a last-minute Biden entry with the passion of a One Direction fan planning her dream wedding to Harry Styles.

As Stephen Colbert observed Monday on “The Late Show,” the Republican debate last month was a ratings bonanza for CNN, “thanks to the pressing national issue of, ‘Oh look it’s Donald Trump.’”

SIGN UP for the free Essential Arts & Culture newsletter >>

And though a showdown between presumed front-runner Hillary Rodham Clinton and liberal firebrand Sen. Bernie Sanders could generate some sparks, well, it’s not quite the same as three hours of Trump.

“How can CNN get viewers just as excited for a Trumpless democratic debate?” Colbert wondered.

It turns out that CNN, the network that brought America election-night “holograms” and round-the-clock coverage of the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, is once again obsessed with something that isn’t there -- in this case, Joe Biden.

The network has a podium ready for Biden, just in case he decides to show up at the last minute, a possibility CNN White House Correspondent Jim Acosta has given a whole lot of thought.

Colbert rolled a clip of Acosta sharing an elaborate and curiously detailed scenario in which Biden flies into Las Vegas on Air Force 2, dons a pair of aviator sunglasses and shows up at the Wynn Hotel in a yellow Corvette.

FULL COVERAGE: ‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’

“It’s a great new strategy for cable news -- describing things more compelling than what you’re watching now,” Colbert joked. “CNN: It could get interesting.”

Following Acosta’s lead, Colbert then took the liberty of imagining some exciting fictional news, including a political conversion by Paul Ryan and appearances by the cast of “Family Matters.”

Colbert even one-upped Acosta with some wild Biden fan fiction of his own. (Pssst, Stephen. Don’t give CNN any more ideas!)

Follow @MeredithBlake on Twitter.