Who stole the teeth of Brahms and Strauss?

In a story that sounds ripped from an underwhelming, dental-centric thriller starring Nicolas Cage, Austrian officials are pursuing leads in an investigation of who broke into the graves of 19th century composers Johan Strauss Jr. and Johannes Brahms and stole their teeth.

Thomas Vescey of the Vienna state prosecutor’s office said that Austrian authorities are close to filing charges in their investigation, and are currently considering a Slovak man as a “person of interest.”

The prosecutor’s office indicated an investigation surrounding the thefts that first began in 2008, but were abandoned in light of Austria’ statute of limitations. New information pointing to other grave disturbances led to the case being reopened.

Prosecutors did not name the suspect or speculate as to a possible motive, but the mind reels in considering possibilities. Is there a black market for the dental work among the deceased composers? Is someone’s uncle polishing an unsettling enamel necklace in their basement while humming “The Blue Danube”?

Both Strauss and Brahms are buried in the Zentralfriedhof in Vienna, which is one of the largest cemeteries in the world. It’s just a thought, but a little bit of extra security may be a good idea for the grave sites of Schoenberg, Schubert and Beethoven until this gets settled.

In the meantime, has anyone contacted Michael Bay?

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