Grammys 2023: Read Trevor Noah's full opening monologue - Los Angeles Times
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Host Trevor Noah kicked off the Grammys — by formally introducing Adele and the Rock?

Trevor Noah hosts the 65th Grammy Awards.
(Robert Gauthier / Los Angeles Times)
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Grammys host Trevor Noah has officially kicked off music’s biggest night for the third year in a row with another witty opening monologue — following a dynamic performance from Bad Bunny.

The former “Daily Show†anchor returned to host the 65th Grammy Awards on Sunday at the Crypto.com Arena in Los Angeles (“the best city in the world if you ignore a few other cities,†Noah quipped). The live show began airing at 5 p.m. Pacific on CBS and is scheduled to end at 8:30 p.m. It’s also available to stream live and on demand via Paramount+ Premium.

“I’m lucky enough to be back as your host tonight,†Noah said at the beginning of his monologue.

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“My job is to be your eyes, your ears. I’ll be floating around this room. ... This is the room where it all goes down — just look around. ... Every song on TikTok that you hear? There are people who made them. This is them!â€

She’s among the most honored artists in Grammy history, but has never won album of the year. Racism? Sexism? Rockism? On Sunday, the Grammys are out of excuses.

Noah also took a moment to introduce Adele to “the person that Adele has always wanted to meet but never hasâ€: Dwayne Johnson. After Noah surprised the “Easy on Me†singer with an appearance from the Rock, the pair of superstars shared a sweet hug in the middle of the crowd.

“You’ve never met him, right?†Noah asked Adele. “I found out that he’s a huge fan of yours too. And no, I don’t have Dwayne Johnson here tonight, but I do have someone called the Rock? Adele, meet the Rock. The Rock, meet Adele! First time ever. All right, you two get acquainted.â€

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In December, Noah announced that he would be back to emcee the Grammy Awards a week after he took his final bow as host of “The Daily Show.†The South African comedian hosted the popular Comedy Central program for about seven years before announcing his exit in September.

In an interview with Billboard, Noah said he was excited to host the Grammys again because he’s “a fan of almost all the people who are there†and because “it’ll be ... back in L.A.â€

This year, Beyoncé leads the Grammy nominees with nine nominations — including record, song and album of the year. Other top contenders include Kendrick Lamar, Brandi Carlile, Adele, Harry Styles, Mary J. Blige, DJ Khaled, Future, The-Dream and Randy Merrill.

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The 2023 Grammy winners were revealed in 91 categories. Beyoncé became the most-decorated Grammy musician ever.

“Beyoncé is nominated for her album, ‘Renaissance,’†Noah said. “Which, by the way, was better than anything from the actual Renaissance in my opinion. The Renaissance was just pictures of grapes and stuff. Beyoncé took it up another level.

“In fact, I was so inspired by the lyrics of ‘Break My Soul’ that I actually quit my job. That’s how powerful that was. I just wish Beyoncé had also written a song about the importance of having savings before you quit your job.â€

Among the artists scheduled to perform during Sunday’s telecast are Styles, Blige, Carlile, Luke Combs, Steve Lacy, Lizzo, Sam Smith, Kim Petras and Bad Bunny.

“Harry Styles is here tonight, everybody,†Noah continued. “I mean, what can you say about this man that hasn’t been said? ... Women throw their panties at this man ... he puts them on and he looks better in them than they do.â€

Read our live coverage of the 2023 Grammy Awards, as they happened.

Read Noah’s full opening monologue below.

Give it up for Bad Bunny, everybody. Wow, that was incredible. Absolutely incredible. Every time I listen to him, I get hips I never knew I had. That album is so fire, it makes Trump want to learn Spanish, that’s what it does. (Imitating former President Trump) ‘Un Verano Sin Ti.’ This is it, people. Welcome to the Grammys, everybody! Welcome to it. We made it. We’re back. And I’m lucky enough to be back as your host tonight.

My job is to be your eyes, your ears. I’ll be floating around this room. Think of me like a Chinese spy balloon. That’s what I’m doing right now — gathering all the information you want, because this is the room. This is the room where it all goes down. Just look around. Look at all the faces.

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We got the best musicians, the best performers, best producers in the world. Every song on TikTok that you hear? There are people who made them. This is them! And when I say we have the biggest names, I mean the biggest names in the room. Are you kidding me? LL Cool J, my dude over here in the room. Look at this! Look at this room. It’s insane. It’s the who‘s who — everybody.

We got [Questlove] and the gang. Are you kidding me right now? Look at this. We got ... Beyoncé’s in the room, people! You understand how amazing this is right now, right? You understand. Beyoncé is nominated for her album ‘Renaissance,’ which, by the way, was better than anything from the actual Renaissance in my opinion. The Renaissance was just pictures of grapes and stuff. Beyoncé took it up another level. In fact, I was so inspired by the lyrics of ‘Break My Soul’ that I actually quit my job. That’s how powerful that was. I just wish Beyoncé had also written a song about the importance of having savings before you quit your job, but maybe the next one.

Harry Styles is here tonight, everybody. That’s right. I mean, what can you say about this man that hasn’t been said? Incredible album, mind-blowing tour ... a 15-night run at [Madison Square Garden] and the Forum. Women throw their panties up [at] this man. Then he puts them on, and he looks better in them than they do. Easily the world’s sexiest man — there’s no competition. Sex symbol of the globe — especially now that they killed off the green M&M — no competition. R.I.P., Green. We miss you.

This is the room, people. We got L.A.’s very own Kendrick Lamar joining us tonight in the building. The man is super talented. He’s got a Pulitzer. He’s got Grammys. His album was a therapy session that earned him multiple Grammy nominations. All my therapy ever got me was helping me overcome my childhood trauma. Useless! From now, we’re going to be talking about trauma. We’re gonna be talking about therapy.

We got Compton’s finest all the way to Brooklyn’s finest in the house. That’s right — Jay-Z is gonna be here with us tonight, everybody. Jay-Z is going to be performing. It’s going to be ... so special. And I am looking forward to it because Jay-Z could have been anywhere in the world tonight, but he’s here with us, and I appreciate that.

Lizzo’s joining us. I saw Lizzo over there. Oh, I see you! I see you, Lizzo! Look at that smile. Congratulations on everything — body positivity, the TV shows, taking over the world, killing the haters on Instagram and Twitter. I love it. The most famous flute player in the world since — I’m sure there were others — but you know what I mean? And you want to stick around because Lizzo is performing tonight at exactly bad b— o’clock. Set your watches.

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I’ve never seen a room this stacked. Never seen a room this stacked. Taylor Swift is gonna be with us. Oh, she’s right there! Look at this! She’s right there. Taylor Swift sold more albums than any other human on the planet last year. That’s right — more than anybody. The only music we listened to more than Taylor’s music was the hold music for Southwest Airlines — that was it. They’ve got the real streaming numbers.

And by the way, I love your song ‘Anti-Hero,’ yes. Thank you so much. My auntie is also a hero. Her name is Beatrice. We appreciate that. Thank you for celebrating one of the aunties out there. We’ve got so many incredible greats performing tonight. I don’t even think you understand — everyone from Stevie Wonder to Kacey Musgraves ... from Bonnie Raitt to Lil Wayne. We’ve got everyone. You don’t want to miss any of it. Every generation, every genre. Tonight, my job is just to be the host — the best host I can be. And to do that, I try and learn what everybody’s into — or try. I try and know my guests.

For instance, I know that LL Cool J really loves breakfast cereals. That’s some of the research. I know that Cardi B is obsessed with presidents. That’s a real thing. I also know that Adele loves tea, her Vegas show is phenomenal and — this is one of the strangest things I found out — the person that Adele has always wanted to meet but never has is Dwayne Johnson. You’ve never met him, right? Yeah. And then I found out that he’s a huge fan of yours too. And no, I don’t have Dwayne Johnson here tonight, but I do have someone called the Rock? Adele, meet the Rock. The Rock, meet Adele! First time ever. All right, you two get acquainted.

We’re gonna keep the show moving. Now, before we get into the next performance, I wanted to let you know that earlier today at the pre-show, the premiere ceremony, Beyoncé won two awards, which puts her just two wins away from breaking the all-time record of having the most Grammy wins of any individual ever. Ever, people! You realize tonight we could all witness history? And even if she doesn’t break the record, she still gets to be Beyoncé. So it’s a win-win.

Good luck, Queen Bey. For the 65th annual Grammy Awards, we decided to do something different. We’re going to be asking some of the people who play big parts in our performers’ musical success stories and their lives to introduce them. These are the people the artists would thank if we didn’t play them off after 25 seconds.

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