Found…and lost

Hi, my name is Shayna, and I'm the thrilled reality TV junkie.

Humored and somehow touched by my not-so-subtle crush on the star of TBS' "Outback Jack," the show's publicist contacted me to express her delight — and to offer up a phone interview with the object of my affection. So nervous was I that the idea of not taking her up on it crossed my mind. I've done many a serious journalistic interview, but reality TV is something I take seriously in an entirely different way. Was I prepared for fantasy and reality to meet?

Look, I may be gun-shy, but I'm no fool, so you bet I grabbed my chance. Besides, it wouldn't be in person, so he couldn't see me drool, blush, or pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. And when that first "hello" came through the phone, all charm and swoon-inducing Australian accent intact, I pulled myself together and enjoyed the adventure, just as Jack would have wanted me to, had I been one of the girls after his heart on the show.

I asked the tough questions (not); flirted (a lot!); got the inside scoop on life for the awesome Aussie now that the show's nearly over (the finale airs Tuesday night); and discovered that Jack (real name Vadim) and I have a thing or two in common. I may not be able to wrangle crocs and snakes (yikes!), or navigate extremely harsh terrain (Runyon Canyon ain't the Outback), but like him, I'm genuine, romantic and I love my mother, ahem, mum.

When recruited for the show, Vadim thought the producers had made a mistake. Seems his friends submitted the application without his knowledge. He told me (as he did the TBS folks) that he wasn't about to go "schmoozing and getting it on with 12 girls" in the Outback. Luckily the producers were nonplussed and the show did, indeed, go on. I asked Vadim (hell, do ya mind if I just call him Jack?) if he felt like he had to play a part. His response: "I'm not an actor, sweetheart, so what you see is what you get with me." (Insert racing heartbeat here.)

Lest you think I was too easy on the guy, I'll have you know that I did challenge his reasons for making Marissa one of his final two choices. She was never a favorite among the other competitors, and she didn't do much to win me over, so what was it about the girl that intrigued Jack? He said the others ostracized her from the get-go, which made him want to protect and defend her. Hmm. So, perhaps Miss M was the victim of crafty editing, but I'm still rooting for lovely Natalie to be the last one standing.

I knew a mob of kangaroos wouldn't help me get Jack to reveal his final choice, so I inquired about his plans for the immediate future. First, Jack and his new ladylove will take a trip to Australia in the coming weeks, then they'll reside in Los Angeles for a while. I guess, like me, Jack's a bit superstitious, because he was reluctant to project too far ahead for fear of jinxing things. 

Just as it seemed the right moment to say my goodbyes, Jack's cell phone rang. I figured it must be her on the line, since Jack had told me about their daily two-hour chats. Heartbroken, yet somehow satisfied (who would have thought that I, the reality TV junkie,  would find "Outback Jack," let alone get to talk to him?), I wished him all the best and bid him farewell. "It's been a pleasure," he said. (Insert heart palpitations here.)

Reality roundup

"The Amazing Race"
Tue., 10 p.m., CBS (encore broadcast Sat., 8 p.m.)
I've never watched this nail-biting adventure series from the very beginning, but I've always been hooked into an episode when I happened to catch one. This season I was determined to be there from the starting line to the $1 million finish. Props to TiVo, yet again, for giving me the opportunity to do that on my own time schedule.

My only complaint? I had to have a manicure to salvage my half-bitten nails and cuticles. Even "Survivor" doesn't hold a candle to the nonstop action in "The Amazing Race," which takes competitors and viewers all over the globe in dramatic, and often humorous, fashion.

I finally caught up this week, when likable "bowling moms" Linda and Karen came in last behind blond Bobsy twins Kami and Karli. Then host Phil Keoghan explained that a predetermined non-elimination week would keep them in the game. Too bad a new twist forced them to surrender all of their cash, leaving them penniless but not yet packing it in.

The team I was most surprised to see falter in the early going was "Big Brother" alumna Alison and her boyfriend, Donny. In spite of their constant bickering and berating of one another, they seemed physically strong and determined. But that's one of the many elements that make this show exciting — the tides can turn quickly, and they usually do. One bad move and Ali and Donny, the previous leg's top finishers, were sunk, left to face their dysfunctional relationship without TV cameras or a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Of the several teams left, one has definitely won me over. I want to see cousins Mirna and Charla (not-so-affectionately dubbed "Mirna and Shmirna" by their competitors) win the whole enchilada, and not for the bleeding-heart reasons you think. Sure, they're annoying in their own way. But Mirna (a successful lawyer) and her height-challenged cousin, Charla (a businesswoman with a form of dwarfism), are the only ones who consistently enjoy the adventure. Charla, in particular, stops to smell the proverbial roses whenever possible. And her grit in the face of challenges that make her cousin cringe is quite impressive.

After stints in Uruguay, Argentina and Russia, we last left racers on a pit stop in the Giza Plateau, 14 miles outside of Cairo and home to the Sphinx and Egypt's breathtaking Pyramids. Can't wait for the next plane, train or automobile ride to come.

"Who Wants to Marry My Dad?"
Finale, NBC
All's well that ends well, right? Finally, the stars aligned for this twisted matchmaking show; for once both the kids and the groom-to-be agreed on their final choice. And I agreed, too. Weepy, cheesy, bad-dye-job Marty (the dad) scored big-time with beautiful, classy, sincere bride-to-be Stacy. May they defy all odds and actually get married — and live happily forever after.

Finale frenzy

"For Love or Money"
Finale, Mon., 9 p.m., NBC
Sexy, spunky Rachel has narrowed the field to three, and I must give her creds for her choices. She's dumped all of the dudes who seemed solely out for cold, hard cash and let her heart do the choosing. Good goin', Rachel! The final test of greed vs. goo-goo eyes happens tonight.

"Joe Schmo 2"
Finale, Tue., 9 p.m., Spike TV
Pretty much all that's left is the big reveal, when Tim and Amanda find out they've been had. But judging by the envelope pushing that has gone on all season long by the creators of this wacky reality spoof, there may be much more in store for Tuesday's final episode.

"Outback Jack"
Finale, Tue., 9 p.m. (encore presentation at 11 p.m.), TBS
So you already know that Jack doesn't end up with me. Sigh. But only Jack and a few other folks know the identity of the last woman standing in this Outback adventure-cum-love story. The online poll is leaning toward Natalie. Could it be? Tune in and see.

Write to the Reality TV Junkie at [email protected].