TIMES RANKINGS

The top drawer schools were so opposite of extraordinary on Bowl Championship Series opening weekend that Rankman considered calling Mount Union up from Division III Pawtucket just to light a fire under the major leaguers. Alabama moving to No. 1 in the Associated Press poll after a game in which it committed four turnovers shows one top-25 tally man may be Solomon in moving the Crimson Tide along slowly. Think of the satisfaction when Nick’s kids finally reach the top?

If Rankman had any guts he’d . . . put Cincinnati at No. 1 and disconnect his Internet service.

Rk.; TEAM

Comment (Last week’s ranking)

1

TEXAS

6-0

State Fair custodian says job only calls for cleaning up after the animals. (1)

2

FLORIDA

6-0

Tebow’s new promise: “No player will get up faster after getting sacked.” (2)

3

CINCINNATI

6-0

Close to cutting deal with Boise to play in Orrin Hatch Bowl. (4)

4

BOISE STATE

6-0

Potato Czar hoping he’ll have enough Freedom Fries for Nov. Idaho game. (3)

5

OREGON

5-1

Tuesday injury report on Masoli: “He’s a little more day-er to day-er today.” (5)

6

ALABAMA

6-0

Rankman hasn’t caught Tuscaloosa Fever but has a scratchy throat. (7)

7

USC

5-1

Matt Barkley on Monday named Chucky Cheese’s player of the year. (8)

8

TEXAS

CHRISTIAN 6-0

Some Horned Frogs getting jumpy before big game at BYU. (6)

9

MIAMI

5-1

Hurricanes can almost coast and win the ACC Coastal Division. (11)

10

IOWA

7-0

We’ll join fan club if offered decoder ring and “Boy’s Life” subscription. (12)

11

GEORGIA

TECH 6-1

So much for notion the triple option won’t work in a BCS conference. (23)

12

BRIGHAM

YOUNG 6-1

Sen. Hatch asks Obama to pardon last year’s 32-7 loss to TCU. (13)

13

OKLAHOMA

STATE 5-1

Bermuda Triangle game of week: Cowboys at Waco on Versus. (14)

14

LOUISIANA

STATE 5-1

Looking to upstage Alabama in story of how the SEC West is won. (15)

15

HOUSTON

5-1

Cougars second in Conference USA but 2-0 in Big 12 South. (22)

16

PENN STATE

6-1

John Wooden sends head coach a note: “Keep up the good work, kid.” (16)

17

VIRGINIA

TECH 5-2

Just a friendly reminder the Chick-fil-A bowl is closed on Sundays. (9)

18

SOUTH

CAROLINA 5-2

Spurrier knew Alabama was using tape when holder’s knee stuck to turf. (24)

19

OHIO STATE

5-2

Pryor awakens in cold sweat after dream he signed with Michigan. (10)

20

OREGON

STATE 4-2

Rodgers Bros. on stage Saturday at Coliseum and then at Huddle Hut. (25)

21

OKLAHOMA

3-3

Bobby Boomer’s bottom line: losses by five points to Texas, BYU, Miami. (17)

22

UTAH

5-1

Odds are long team can make another BCS bowl and beat Alabama. (NR)

23

TEXAS TECH

5-2

Red Raiders quarterback (insert name) sure can rack up passing yards. (NR)

24

WEST VIRGINIA

5-1

Needed volunteer for No. 24 and one Mountaineer raised his hand. (NR)

25

NOTRE DAME

4-2

Irish are 0 for their last 14 against USC and Boston College. (19)

Dropped out: Kansas (18), South Florida (20), Nebraska (21).

Moved in: Texas Tech, West Virginia, Utah.