Bringing home the bacon

The critical information inquiring minds want to know about the giant stage prop that disappeared during Roger Waters’ closing performance Sunday night at Coachella isn’t so much where it is now but exactly how a two-story inflatable pig masterminds a daring escape in front of tens of thousands of fans in the first place.

Festival organizers are offering a $10,000 reward plus four lifetime passes to Coachella to whoever engineers the safe return of said plastic porker by contacting them at [email protected]. “We’re getting varying reports on which part of the reward -- the cash or the tickets -- is more valuable,” a Coachella spokeswoman said Tuesday.

The spokeswoman couldn’t explain the circumstances that led to the getaway, saying festival executives were still trying to piece it together. But they want their pig back, she said, for a possible encore at some future edition of the fest.

Conspiracy can’t be ruled out, considering this isn’t the first pig to float off into the night sky in recent times. On Waters’ 2006 tour, which centered on complete performances of Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon,” the graffiti-inscribed oinker was allowed to drift away on several occasions, including the opening performance of his three-night stint at the Hollywood Bowl. Local authorities said Waters would face charges if it happened again, and, to no one’s surprise, Porky remained contentedly tethered during the other two L.A. shows.

But what of those that did break free? Did they just fly off in search of bluer pastures? Or is it something more sinister, perhaps a protest against the wanton disregard for the inalienable right of synthetic gaseous critters to life, liberty and the pursuit of inflatable corn husks?

Maybe Waters needs a less feisty breed of helium-filled animal. How about a nice, loyal inflatable Holstein? He could call it “The Dark Side of the Moo.”

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