Through the BCS looking glass . . .

Saturday it was California Coach Jeff Tedford slamming his headset to the turf after a tough day at the office, and Sunday it was the rest of us.

First reaction to the first Bowl Championship Series standings:

Huh?

Second reaction:

What?

Third reaction: (see first reaction).

Welcome to the annual BCS game called show-and-hell.

The top five schools in the BCS are Ohio State, South Florida, Boston College, Louisiana State and Oklahoma.

OK, if you insist, but as roll-outs go, it was not exactly the Mercury astronauts.

In fact, the only component the BCS formula lacks is a gag reflex index.

Ohio State’s big road wins were at Washington, which lost to UCLA, which lost to Utah; and at Purdue, which lost to Michigan, which lost to Appalachian State.

For this Ohio State is No. 1 in both human polls and T-5 in the computers.

No one works the BCS better than the Buckeyes, and for this they should be congratulated and forwarded directly to this year’s national-title game loss.

We’ve seen this movie and we know how it ends. The Big Ten isn’t as good as it was last year, and it wasn’t that good last year, and Ohio State can’t be as good as it was last year, and it wasn’t that good last year.

The top BCS team from the Pacific 10 Conference is No. 8 Arizona State, which, like Ohio State, has apparently used a program-transforming win against Washington to sail in from some remote atoll.

This is welcome news for the heretofore invisible Sun Devils and their coach, Dirk Koetter . . . wait, he’s not the coach anymore?

And, tough as it is to cough up, according to early BCS returns, Les Miles was right. LSU is No. 2 in the computers and USC is No. 23 after playing all those “real juggernauts� such as Stanford. The record of USC’s opponents is 13-27 with 1-6 Notre Dame waiting on deck.

Yet, the Pac-10 has more teams in the BCS top 14, four, than any other conference.

Wait, maybe Les Miles was wrong. Maybe the Pac-10 is really good, but USC isn’t.

It all makes perfect, Alice in Wonderland sense.

Oklahoma suffered a terrible loss at Colorado but is back in prime contention at No. 5.

Cal, which was No. 1 in the country for a couple of hours Saturday, suffered a last-second loss to Oregon State and dropped eight spots in the Associated Press poll, from No. 2 to No. 10, the same drop kick USC received for a much more surprising home defeat to Stanford.

South Florida at No. 2?

OK, it looks weird, like Pete Carroll would with a handlebar mustache, but the Bulls have beaten Auburn and West Virginia.

Boston College checking in at No. 3, though, is almost funnier than watching Manny Ramirez play left field. The Eagles are a fine team under first-year Coach Jeff Jagodzinski, but their last four wins were against Army, Massachusetts, Bowling Green and Notre Dame.

Luckily, for all of us, they haven’t even started playing the World Series yet.

“I’ve broken the season down into quarters, and we’ve just started the second half of our season, the third quarter,� Jagodzinski said after Boston College’s 27-14 win over hapless Notre Dame.

Luckily, for all of us, the BCS this year appears to be about as unpredictable as Buffalo weather.

What we’re really looking at now is raw data that have, um, yet to be fully cooked.

Maybe, if we rub our eyes real hard, Kansas will disappear from No. 13 in the BCS standings.

Or maybe this is a different Kansas from the Kansas that doesn’t play Texas or Oklahoma in the regular season and got into the BCS top 15 with opening wins against Central Michigan, Southeastern Louisiana, Toledo and Florida International.

The saving factor to some of Sunday’s BCS anomalies is that it’s probably all going to change again next week.

Ohio State’s schedule is back-loaded, with the Buckeyes’ remaining five opponents owning an overall record of 25-10.

South Florida has a Thursday night date at Rutgers, Boston College has to play Virginia Tech sometime soon (Oct. 25), Arizona State has faced all Pac-10 teams except the good ones and Kansas cannot contractually extricate itself from a possible Big 12 championship game obligation.

Maybe the best teams will eventually emerge from this B(Sea)S of insanity.

Or, maybe there are no best teams this year.

Maybe this is as good as it gets.

Weekend wrap

There are only six unbeaten schools left: Ohio State, South Florida, Boston College, Arizona State, Kansas and Hawaii. And only four schools have yet to post a victory: Marshall, Florida International, Utah State and Colorado State.

You could almost see it coming: One week after Stanford stunned USC, the Cardinal lost at home to Texas Christian. “We tried our hardest to just forget about last week and just focus on this game,� Stanford safety Bo McNally said, “but we didn’t perform the way we need to.�

There is a disagreement about Kentucky in the polls. The Wildcats jumped from No. 17 to No. 8 in the AP survey but didn’t crack the top 10 in either of the BCS indexes. Kentucky moved up to only No. 13 in the coaches’ poll and No. 11 in Harris and debuted at No. 7 in the BCS thanks to a computer ranking of No. 4.

“We’ve got a chance to be a significant player, obviously,� Kentucky Coach Rich Brooks said after Saturday’s 43-37, triple-overtime win over No. 1 LSU. “Those people who maybe didn’t think we were a real contender, I think that may have changed tonight.� Brooks also said: “This is still a marathon.�

Oregon State couldn’t beat Utah in its home opener, but for the second year in a row the Beavers have pulled off a major upset. Last year, they stunned No. 3 USC in Corvallis and last Saturday kept then-No. 2 Cal from rising to No. 1.

“You have to look at the scores every week to find out who won because you’ll see some surprises,� Oregon State Coach Mike Riley said of the season so far.

Closing quote: LSU Coach Miles after his Tigers’ triple-overtime loss at Kentucky: “When something like this happens I look at me first. I can do better.�

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