Van Gundy Pushes Stern Too Far Out on the Edge

If it’s spring, you don’t want to say “Good morning” to an NBA coach because his answer will be something like, “It might be a good morning if the refs didn’t allow [fill in the name of opponent] to get away with that stuff, which not only threatens the prospects of my team but the game and possibly Western civilization.”

In the postseason, a coach never says anything that isn’t geared toward gaining an edge in the next game. Laker fans may remember that wherever they went, the other coach began crying about Shaquille O’Neal squashing their poor guys from the time the Lakers landed at the airport.

Then, of course, Phil Jackson would respond that no one in the history of the game had ever taken more abuse than poor Shaq.

Then there are those pesky “small markets.” The Lakers never won a series without the other team grousing that the league wanted it that way and had so instructed the refs.

Just for fun, go up to Sacramento and ask them about the 2002 Western finals, when the Kings led the series, 3-2, before the Lakers won Game 6 at home after shooting 27 free throws in the fourth quarter.

The end result of all these cries and moans is ... nothing. It’s either that or after the Lakers won their 2002 title, even the referees couldn’t carry them.

It’s an impossible game to officiate. Bad calls happen. No team in NBA history ever won a championship on a call.

Unfortunately, that hasn’t stopped a single coach from trying to buy an edge. This week Houston’s Jeff Van Gundy took it to a new level with a detailed conspiracy scenario. He said “another official in the NBA who’s not in the playoffs that I’ve known forever” told him the referees “were looking at Yao harder” because of Dallas owner Mark Cuban’s complaints.

It was true, not to mention ironic. Cuban, who has been fined more than $1 million by the league for complaining about referees, had been bleating about Yao Ming moving on screens and finally had gotten several calls.

Leaving out the part about Van Gundy’s mole, this was standard. When the first screen was set, probably at that YMCA in Springfield, Mass., where James Naismith invented the game, the other coach jumped up and yelled “He’s moving!”

Cuban, who has never lost a game but has been cheated out of a whole bunch, did send the league office a tape of Yao and backup center Dikembe Mutombo, heartlessly mowing down his little Mavericks, moving on their screens.

This is standard too. The average NBA team sends in an average of one tape per loss.

Nor would it be unusual for Stu Jackson, the NBA official in charge of the refs, to send out a directive, telling them to watch more closely to see that screeners don’t move.

Now, if anyone ever finds out that Jackson told them to watch Yao closer, we’ll have a really big story on our hands. However, Van Gundy didn’t say that. He said only that the referees “were looking at Yao harder because of Mark’s complaints.”

Van Gundy is a manipulator from the Pat Riley school that says the media must be good for something, but all he had in mind was stealing a few calls back, not revolution.

Nevertheless, the sky fell in, anyway.

In the age of the 24/7 sports channel, everything gets saturation coverage, and Stern, who has enough to worry about with his TV ratings, is up to here with conspiracy theories.

As far as Stern is concerned, Van Gundy, who makes $5 million a year from the NBA, shouldn’t really be running around saying it’s fixed.

Worse, Van Gundy’s elaborate scenario, with its description of the league’s inner workings, really got to Stern. He not only fined Van Gundy $100,000, he threatened to banish him. Even Stern, the Judge Dredd of American sports, hadn’t done that before.

“Jeff is going to have to decide how he wants to proceed in this league, and if it’s a good place for him,” Stern said before Monday’s Game 5 in Dallas. “But if he’s going to say things like that, he’s not going to continue in this league.

“If the attitude reflected by those comments continues to be reflected publicly, he’s going to have a big problem with me so long as I’m commissioner.”

Van Gundy replied that he was standing by what he said, although he did allow, correctly, “It looks worse when you see it in print.”

For the perfect ending, Stern’s decision was defended by ... Cuban?

Yes, the madcap billionaire, who once said of the supervisor of officials, “I wouldn’t hire him to run a Dairy Queen,” said Van Gundy’s comments were “an insult to the officials.”

Even Stern didn’t know what to make of that.

“This is when you know the world has been turned upside down,” Stern told the Dallas Morning News’ David Moore. “When you get support from Mark Cuban, I have to wonder about the validity of my position.”

Well, perhaps you were a little harsh, Your Honor. On the other hand, two conspiracy theories per series is getting a little much, so whatever you have to do to get everyone’s attention, go ahead.

Every coach in the league should have to forfeit $100,000 on general principle, for filling the newspapers with this self-serving drivel.

Denver’s George Karl should have to pay $200,000 for his laughable observation that Manu Ginobili, that unspeakable thug, was getting away with charging and ruining the game, not to mention Karl’s team.

Not every coach does this stuff. Detroit’s Larry Brown and his former student, San Antonio’s Gregg Popovich, are notable examples. When you beat them, they say you beat them and tip their caps to you. For the rest, I’m sure Stern’s decisive action will hush them up, for a few days, anyway.

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NBA PLAYOFFS

* Indiana 90, Boston 85

(Indiana leads series, 3-2)

* Detroit 88, Philadelphia 78

(Detroit wins series, 4-1)

* Seattle 122, Sacramento 118

(Seattle wins series, 4-1)