Duck Hook or Not, Get Ready for Hail to Chief

Chi Chi Rodriguez, who plays golf against former president Monroe Cole (Gene Hackman) in the movie “Welcome to Mooseport,” apparently knows something about how current and former presidents play golf.

Rodriguez, who will be among the guests at the Champions Breakfast Tuesday at the Newport Beach Marriott before playing in the Toshiba Senior Classic later in the week, says, “They yell fore, shoot six and write down five.”

Trivia time: What college team won both the NCAA tournament and NIT in 1950? Also, what team lost in the championship game of both tournaments that year?

The old-fashioned way: A feud between CBS and the Dish Network resulted in the satellite service briefly dropping CBS stations in Los Angeles and 15 other markets last week. If an accord hadn’t been reached, Dish Network subscribers might have missed out on CBS’ coverage of the NCAA tournament. Then again, maybe not.

“CBS would like to remind our viewers that we are available for free for any viewer with an antenna,” CBS executive Marty Franks told the Denver Post during the blackout.

The search is on: DirecTV last week filed a complaint in federal court in Miami claiming O.J. Simpson had used an illegal access card to steal its signal.

That prompted Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times to write that Simpson “has reportedly vowed to scour any and all golf courses in search of the real signal pirates.”

A fitting defense: Greg Cote of the Miami Herald already is anticipating Johnnie Cochran’s stepping up to proclaim that Simpson is innocent of the charge of stealing DirecTV’s signal. According to Cote, Cochran’s line is, “If the signal does not transmit, you must acquit.”

Penalty kick: Chris Malcolm of the Chicago Tribune writes: “If you’re a NASCAR dad and you’re married to a soccer mom, that means if you don’t pull over to ask directions, you get kicked in the head.”

Force be with you: According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the Georgia Force of the Arena Football League received this e-mail the other day: “I am writing to tell you that I, too, am Georgia Force. I was born Georgia Carole Force on Oct. 18, 1940, in Covington, Ga.”

Adds Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle: “What? No cease-and-desist request from her attorney?”

Looking back: On this day in 1987, professional golfer Don Pooley, who now plays on the Champions Tour, aced the 192-yard 17th hole at the Bay Hill Classic to win $1 million. Pooley got half, with the other half going to the Arnold Palmer Children’s Hospital.

Trivia answer: City College of New York. CCNY beat Bradley in both championship games.

And finally: Mike Downey of the Chicago Tribune suggests some questions that Jim Harrick Jr. could have asked on that infamous exam: “Is John Wooden flesh and blood or actually made of wood?” “In what state is Kentucky?” and “Spell ESPN.”

Larry Stewart can be reached at [email protected].