‘Reality’ comes in big, fat and small

Here’s what I like about Fox: They make a dating show about dwarves, call it “a celebration of diversity,� cap the series at two episodes (we wouldn’t want to over-celebrate the diversity), run it during sweeps, somehow get the president of Little People of America to give it a tremulous, preemptive thumbs-up, and imply that anyone who so much as suggests that the show might be, you know, depraved, is an evil-minded sizist bigot.

Tonight, the 4-foot, 5-inch suitor, 23-year-old Glen Foster, must make the difficult choice among several little women he’s known for about five seconds, and three average-sized ones he’s known for about two -- though those two seconds were spent in the hot tub.

Creator Eric Schotz, who has said that the idea for the show came to him while shooting a segment of Fox’s “Man vs. Beast� that featured 40 dwarves going mano-a-mano with an elephant in a jetliner-pulling contest, dismissed suggestions that the show was in any way exploitative. He told the Associated Press: “The show’s compelling. The groom, Glen, is unbelievable. He’s a great, great guy. I think you’ll watch this one with a gigantic smile on your face. It’s one where the producers didn’t take the cheap shot.�

Bravissimo. No, really, hats off.

Think what we would have had to endure had “The Littlest Groom� been CBS’ idea. The network would have approved it, shot it, promoted it, aired it, feigned surprise at the first angry e-mail, mimicked shock, simulated outrage, cried foul, mortified itself, collapsed in a heap of despair, promised never, ever to be naughty again, and, finally, blamed the dwarf.

“The Littlest Groom� is followed tonight by the climactic conclusion of “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance,� a show that, for those who lead lives worth living, might best be described as a cross between “Joe Schmo,� “Meet My Folks� and “Average Joe.�

(So this means nothing to you either.)

Randi Coy, an attractive single girl, was duped into thinking she was participating in a dating show, then told she was not. Next, she was told she would be pairing up with an unlikely suitor (whom she was duped into thinking was an actual participant, and not, as in fact was the case, an actor) in order to dupe her unsuspecting family into believing that she loves the big, fat, obnoxious fiance and plans to marry him on TV. Her family has suffered mightily, but oh, how they’ll laugh if they all show up at the wedding and Randi wins her share of a $1-million prize.

It’s as laborious to watch as it is to describe and, ultimately, altogether too much effort. We live, after all, in a world where “America’s Next Top Model� is in its second season. This is the best explanation I can provide for why parodies -- and in particular parodies of reality shows -- tend to fall a little flat, even when they are funny and clever.

The straight story

“Straight Plan for the Gay Man,� Comedy’s Central’s three-episode send-up of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,� is some sweet, good-natured lampoon of a sweet, good-natured show; which makes it about as vicious as a cupcake.

Still, fans (or haters) of the original straight-to-fabulous makeover show might enjoy zoning out in front of the TV as the “Flab Four� induct three stylish gay New Yorkers into the brotherhood of regular-guyness. The first installment airs at 10 tonight.

The “Flab Four� consist of Billy, the overweight, plaid-shirt-and-fedora-wearing “appearance guy� who takes all his subjects shopping at the Salvation Army; Curtis, the “environment guy,� who spruces up a fashion executive’s apartment with plaid, beer-themed artifacts and unflushed urine; Kyle, the “information guy,� who coaches a Broadway dancer in the art of being uncomfortable around women; and Rob, the “culture guy,� who introduces the gay men to the mysteries of raw ground beef, pointless one-upmanship and “Girls Gone Wild� videos.

Riveting, it’s not. But as a straight plan for an off-night, crack open a can of bean dip and enjoy.