After a Wild Off-Season, Let’s Look at Big Picture

College football has finally returned, after the most off-putting off-season many of us experts have seen since, well, the off-season two years ago.

Considering all that has transpired since January -- schools splitting national championships and schools splitting conferences -- we thought it might be best for Professor Pigskin to dim the lights and preview the 2004 season with a slide show:

Click: That’s Colorado Coach Gary Barnett, suspended in February while the school investigated a recruiting scandal involving sex and booze.

Barnett was reinstated in May, after a panel concluded he had not condoned the use of sex and booze in recruiting. However, his Buffaloes are the first team in memory to start the season ranked PG-17 in the AP poll.

Click: Why are these sportswriters hovering around a speakerphone?

They are listening to Tennessee Coach Phillip Fulmer on Southeastern Conference media day. Fulmer, on his attorney’s advice, elected not to attend the event in Alabama -- not even in a Phil metal jacket -- for fear of being served a subpoena. See, Fulmer ratted Alabama out to the NCAA and now some people in the state want to ask Phil some questions ... under oath. Luckily for him, Fulmer gets Auburn and Alabama in Knoxville this year so he won’t have to cross state lines.

Did we mention they take football seriously down south?

Click: OK, here we have a USC song girl pulling her hair out, trying to make sense of last year’s final bowl championship series standings.

The good news is, the BCS standings have been simplified -- if anything associated with the BCS can be called “good.”

You’ll recall the outrage after USC finished No. 1 in both polls but No. 3 in the BCS standings because the computer geeks still had Oklahoma at No. 1, even after the Sooners had been routed by Kansas State in the Big 12 title game.

This year, the bigwigs have unveiled a kinder, gentler BCS. There are only three components to the formula, coaches, writers and computers, all weighted equally -- but not really.

The new set-up returns more power to the human polls and all but assures that any team finishing No. 1 in both polls again will play for the BCS national title. There still could be major controversy, however, if there is no consensus on the top team and three schools end up undefeated or with one loss.

Click: A picture of schoolchildren playing musical chairs.

I use this to illustrate all the teams switching conferences and the domino effect that switching caused. When the music finally stops in college football, we suspect the Sun Belt will be the conference looking for a chair.

Miami and Virginia Tech have bolted the Big East for the Atlantic Coast Conference, with Boston College set to join the ACC next year.

The question remains: Why did Miami and Virginia Tech leave the Big East -- the perfect conference from which to launch a national championship campaign -- for the now powerhouse conglomerate that includes Florida State?

Starting next year, the ACC’s automatic BCS representative will have to win its division title and the ACC championship game.

Picking up the pieces, for now, is the Big East, which loses two powerhouse football franchises now and Boston College next year.

The Miami-less Big East does not, however, lose its automatic BCS berth, meaning a team like Rutgers could back-door its way to the title and end up in major bowl.

Click: No, not someone running with the bulls at Pamplona. It’s Joe Paterno chasing down a Big Ten official.

The zebras haven’t been kind to the Penn State coach in recent years and, out of deference to a man who is closer to 80 than 70, the Big Ten will conduct a one-year experiment with instant replay. It’s a little complicated because nonconference teams playing at Big Ten sites have the option of using replay. Four visiting schools have said thanks but no thanks: Arizona State at Northwestern, UCLA at Illinois, Iowa State at Iowa and San Diego State at Michigan.

Click: You say, “Why this picture of a raisin?”

Of all the coalition teams with a chance to make some BCS noise this year, I like Pat Hill’s squad at Fresno State. Remember, the easier access rules for non-BCS teams don’t kick in until 2006.

For two more years, a non-BCS team must finish sixth or better in the final BCS standings to earn an automatic berth into a major bowl and No. 12 or better to be considered for one of two at-large spots.

Since this BCS idea was hatched in 1998, no team from a non-BCS conference has played in a BCS bowl, which was why the non-BCS conferences hired lawyers.

Fresno State probably doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in Visalia of breaking through this glass ceiling, but the Bulldogs do have 19 returning starters, Paul Pinegar at quarterback and statement games early at Washington and Kansas State.

Click: I think you’ll all recognize this to be Texas Coach Mack Brown. I think you’ll all recognize his team plays Oklahoma on Oct. 9 at the Cotton Bowl. I think you’ll all recognize Mack needs to win this game.

Click: For your perusal, a simple, wide-brimmed visor.

What’s missing is Steve Spurrier’s head in it.

The old ball coach is taking the year off after his cash grab with the Washington Redskins went bust, but no one expects Spurrier to hit golf balls forever.

We surmise he’ll be eyeing every precarious college coaching situation out there, starting with John Bunting’s at North Carolina, and be back in the genius business in 2005.

Click: This may look like an elderly man in a retirement home asking for one more cookie; actually it’s a surviving member of USC’s 1939 team giving the “We’re No. 1” sign shortly after learning that the school, 65 years after the fact, decided to claim a share of that year’s national championship.

Click: Consider these mug shots of Bobby Ross, Mike Price, George O’Leary, Mike Stoops and Sylvester Croom -- impact coaches making debuts at new schools.

Let’s take them one at a time.

Ross, well, we don’t know what he was thinking, coming out of retirement at 67 to take over at Army, which has totaled one victory the last two years.

We can tell you this -- if there’s one guy who can take Army from F Troop to A Troop, it’s Ross.

Price has served his penance for the strip-club caper that cost him the Alabama job and has relocated to Texas El Paso.

The Miners have had one winning season since 1988, but we figure if Price can get to two Rose Bowls coaching in Pullman, Wash., he can win anywhere ... eventually.

O’Leary has reemerged at Central Florida. He joins Price on this year’s redemption tour after his resume fib cost him the Notre Dame job.

Mike Stoops hopes to take Arizona places it has never gone -- the Rose Bowl game, for one.

As for Croom, well, it’s good to see that the SEC has finally switched channels from “Pleasantville” and ushered in the first black head coach in league history.

Many thought Croom, who takes over at Mississippi State, should have gotten the job last year at Alabama, his alma mater. Mississippi State at Alabama on Nov. 6 should be interesting.

Click: Why two pictures of Oklahoma quarterback Jason White?

Because he can be the first man to win two Heisman Trophies since Archie Griffin.

Click: This is a snapshot of Uga, the Georgia bulldog mascot, getting a claw pedicure at Pampered Pets.

Louisiana State at Georgia on Oct. 2 could be the best event held at any Athens this year, although Florida State at Miami on Sept. 6 to kick off the season also floats my boat.

Click: Why is this leprechaun crying green tears?

Notre Dame is coming off a 5-7 season and plays eight teams this year that won eight or more games last year.

Irish fans may storm the palace gates if third-year coach Tyrone Willingham doesn’t turn things around, but that’s not the way it works, boys.

If Gerry Faust gets five years and Bob Davie gets five years, Willingham gets five years.

Click: Urban Meyer, Utah. He’s the hottest young coach in the country.

Click: Karl Dorrell, UCLA. Not the hottest young coach, yet we think UCLA is going to surprise scribes who picked the Bruins to finish eighth in the Pacific 10.

The nonconference schedule -- Oklahoma State, Illinois, San Diego State -- is manageable, and the Pac-10, after USC and California, is as wide open as west Texas.

Click: Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden looking “bumfuzzled” after an interception thrown by his hot-and-cold running quarterback, Chris Rix.

If the light finally goes on in Rix’s refrigerator, the way it did for Carson Palmer in his senior year at USC, Florida State can win the national title.

Click: The BCS national-title trophy, isn’t it pretty?

USC opens the season today against Virginia Tech and there’s a good chance the Trojans will close it Jan. 4 at the Orange Bowl in the BCS national title game.

Some people say USC has so much talent, the Trojans may not lose a game until late November -- of 2007.

I say, let’s get this party started and find out.