Dogged Determination Gets Answers, for Naught

Jan Handzlik witnessed this scene at a hospital pharmacy in the South Bay: A clerk asked a customer for his name and date of birth. The man gave it but said that it was probably irrelevant because his prescription was for a dog.

He explained that another pharmacy had sent him there. The pharmacy clerk studied the prescription and asked how old the dog was. The man said “about 10� but asked why it mattered.

“Murphy Brown Canine -- is that the dog’s name?� the clerk asked.

Yes, she was told.

“Does the dog have insurance?� the clerk asked.

“No -- it’s a dog!� the man repeated in frustration.

The clerk fetched her supervisor, who said she was sorry but Murphy Brown Canine couldn’t be served. Why? Because the pharmacy served only the hospital’s patients.

The man left, no doubt wondering why the clerk hadn’t told him that at the outset.

As if driving isn’t crazy enough these days: After leaving a mall in Victorville, Anthony St. John of San Diego understandably became a bit confused about which lane he should choose at one point (see photo). It turned out it was a practice area for road painters.

Guess that figures: In San Diego, Phil Proctor of Beverly Hills noticed that a former Democratic president seemed to be backing a Democratic White House hopeful for 2004 (see photo). Odd that Jimmy Carter’s doesn’t look as though it sells peanuts.

The latest skinny on the market strike: A press release from a group of lap dancers says that they will picket alongside grocery workers at a Ralphs on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. The strippers are protesting the City Council’s recent ban on lap dancing.

Topless traffic school: Incidentally, the council’s vote will have no effect on the business that once advertised on a billboard in West L.A., informing traffic violators that “a clean record is only a lap dance away� (see photo).

It was a practical joke played by the late Buzz magazine. The business never existed, though I’m surprised no one ever thought of starting one.

MiscelLAny: Calls to police departments can be misinterpreted in interesting ways. The Aliso Viejo News said that a report that a juvenile robber “had a razor� was later amended to read he had “a Razor scooter.� Reminded me of the time that police received a call about a bus rider with a “Colt .45 in his waistband.� Actually, it was Colt 45 malt liquor.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083; by fax at (213) 237-4712); and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012.