St. Louis’ Perspective Is Defective

They are panicking in St. Louis, melting down in Missouri, all because the hometown Rams have lost their first three regular-season games, two of them by a touchdown or less.

We’d like to tell them all to get a grip, except we have learned from history and know that St. Louis is too ploddingly literal when it comes to this stuff. Within the last decade, St. Louis has gotten its grip around too many of our favorite things: Jim Edmonds, Mark McGwire, Wayne Gretzky, a once-proud football team known as the Rams.

Clearly, this is a city that lost all sense of decency long ago.

Now, just because Kurt Warner throws a few wobblers in September, it’s a city that has also lost its mind.

From here to the banks of the Mississippi River, you can hear the beached wail:

Martz has lost it! He’s nothing without Vermeil!

(Even though Mike Martz went 14-2 last season with a team that outscored opponents, 503-273. Dick Vermeil, last we checked, still thinks he can return to the Super Bowl with the Kansas City Chief roster and Trent Green as his quarterback.)

Warner’s arm is dead! His shoulder’s shot! His confidence is gone! His psyche was shattered by the loss to New England! Send in Jamie Martin! Warm up Marc Bulger!

(Warner is playing with a bad thumb but doesn’t like talking about it because, unlike other Ram quarterbacks we have known, he doesn’t like to make excuses. The man has been to two Super Bowls, won two MVP trophies in three years. Think you can spare him a few more quarters? Jamie Martin? We caught Martin’s act, just before the Rams packed up the moving vans. You don’t want to go there. Marc Bulger? Four syllables, St. Louis: T.J. Rubley.)

We can’t win without James Hodgins! He was the real MVP of this team!

(James Hodgins is a blocking back. He is sidelined with a foot injury. He should be back some time in October. Marshall Faulk missed two games to injury last season. The Rams still made it to the Super Bowl.)

We never should have let Az Hakim go! We can’t spread defenses anymore!

(The Rams did not re-sign Hakim during the off-season because he dropped a lot of passes. He has since moved on to Detroit. The Lions, with Az Hakim spreading defenses, are also 0-3.)

We never should have let Ryan Tucker go! John St. Clair is a bust!

(You might have a point there. St. Louis’ offensive line hasn’t been the same since Tucker, in a historic end-around, became a Ram who moved to Cleveland.)

Take a deep breath, St. Louis.

The Rams might not be the juggernaut of ‘99, but this team has something that team never had: four division games against Arizona and Seattle. Does anyone really believe the Rams, even in their current discombobulated state, are going to finish behind the Cardinals and the Seahawks in the new (and devolved) NFC West?

That leaves the Rams chasing San Francisco for first place and the playoffs. The Rams trail the 2-1 49ers by two games, but have two games against the 49ers to erase that gap. The 49ers have issues of their own--generally speaking, the passing game; if you’d rather get personal, Terrell Owens.

Six reasons why the Rams aren’t done yet:

1. The schedule. The Rams were hit hard right from the start, with road games at Denver and Tampa Bay, teams that figure to contend for the Super Bowl. Their only home game so far was against the New York Giants, who still know how to tackle and were amped to end a five-game losing streak against the Rams. The schedule eases today--home game against Dallas--and after rivalry games against the 49ers and Raiders, the Rams get a five-game run against Seattle, Arizona, San Diego, Chicago and Washington.

2. Thirteen games to go. It’s a long season, and teams do hit down cycles. The ’99 Rams lost back-to-back games, in midseason, and went on to win the Super Bowl. The ’00 Rams lost three in a row, in November, and still finished 10-6 to make the playoffs--and might have reached another Super Bowl had the much-lamented Hakim not fumbled that fourth-quarter punt in New Orleans.

3. Realignment. From the Ram perspective, the NFL shuffled its divisions just in the nick of time. Old NFC West rival New Orleans is 3-0 after three games against 2001 playoff teams. Atlanta has Michael Vick, meaning Atlanta has a chance to win every game it plays. Carolina won’t be undefeated after today, but the Panthers are not the pushovers of seasons past. By swapping six games against that threesome for four against the Cardinals and the Seahawks--a.k.a. A Flock of Seagulls--the Rams definitely traded up.

4. He’s Kurt Warner, not Jim Everett. Last week, a columnist for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch actually wrote: “If Warner’s stunning decline continues, he’ll soon be compared to Jim Everett.�

Did I mention there is widespread panic in St. Louis? Warner will never, ever be compared to Everett--note to St. Louis: We were there--until/unless he: a) returns his two league MVP awards to the NFL office; b) returns his Super Bowl MVP trophy too; c) persuades everyone to ignore the all-time NFL quarterback ratings, which list Warner No. 1, ahead of Steve Young and Joe Montana and every other quarterback who has played the game; d) sacks himself on national television with another trip to the Super Bowl on the line; e) sacks a talk-show host on national television after the host derisively calls him “Chris Everett,� a slanderous insult to a great and gutty tennis player who never sacked herself in the big match against Martina Navratilova; f) ends a season by losing the last 10 games, as Everett did in 1991; g) loses his job to T.J. Rubley; h) loses so many games that home attendance dwindles, giving the team an excuse to look elsewhere, essentially escorting the Rams out of town.

5. The Rams have already moved. Georgia Frontiere and John Shaw got what they wanted, the sweetheart deal of a lifetime, in 1995. There’s no more incentive for them to run the team into the ground and kill off fan interest, unless, perhaps, Pottsville is promising a new stadium. This time, it actually makes financial sense to keep the team competitive. Although the whole Eric Crouch affair--burning a third-round pick on a big-name-without-a-position who retires after the exhibition season--sounds suspiciously like vintage Anaheim Rams, circa 1990.

6. Rams-49ers. The division championship will hinge on two games: Oct. 6, Rams at 49ers, and Dec. 30, 49ers at Rams. The Rams have swept the last three season series with the 49ers, which makes today’s home game against Dallas so important. A victory over the Cowboys sends the Rams to San Francisco with some regained swagger.

A loss today to the Cowboys?

In that case, St. Louis, you will be granted unconditional permission to panic.