Lakers Are Still Drama Kings

Gee (yawn), is it time to start the season already?

Oh, the other guys opened three weeks ago?

Well ... OK.

If doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result stands as a definition of insanity, then making the same mistakes over and over and thinking you can keep getting away with them can stand as a definition for hubris, the Greek word coined to describe the arrogance of their gods.

So it was that Shaquille O’Neal walked onto the Staples Center floor three weeks and three days into the season, with everyone confident that the Lakers, who’d been shot as full of holes as Al Capp’s old cartoon character Fearless Fosdick, and trailed Dallas by nine (yes, nine) games in the West, would roll, from that point.

As the San Antonio Express-News’ Glenn Rogers wrote, “This would be considered a disastrous, perhaps fatal, start for any other contender ... but not here. Why?

“Because it’s all BS: Before Shaquille O’Neal.”

Said Dirk Nowitzki, after the Mavericks flattened the Lakers: “Shaq is the Lakers, pretty much.... When it comes to April and May, the Lakers will be the Lakers. They’ll be the team to beat.”

Between now and then, however, the local superhero has his work cut out for him. When O’Neal returned, the Lakers also trailed their archrivals, the Sacramento Kings, by 5 1/2 games, not to mention the Seattle SuperSonics, Houston Rockets, Phoenix Suns, Minnesota Timberwolves, Utah Jazz, Clippers and Golden State Warriors. On the plus side, the Lakers were ahead of the Denver Nuggets and Memphis Grizzlies, so you can’t say their time without Shaq was a complete disaster.

Of course, this is an annual rite: Lakes open as favorites.... Something goes wrong.... Phil Jackson is unconcerned.... Problem persists even longer than Phil figured.... Just as panic threatens to break out in the streets, or at least on the talk shows, the Lakers arise to realize their greatness yet again.

Now, however, even Jackson, the Alfred E. (“What, me worry?”) Neuman of the biz, whose specialty is keeping everyone calm, seems to signal an unusual level of concern, noting, as he did last week: “I mean, we just do not have an easy road ahead of us, where everything’s going to fall into place and turn around.”

Despite the local inclination to cut O’Neal as much slack as he needs, it must be noted the Great One put himself on the injured list, deferring off-season surgery to Sept. 11, or 18 days before the off-season ended.

Had he gotten his second opinion (the first, which he ultimately heeded, was in hand) and undergone surgery by Aug. 1 -- seven weeks after the season ended -- he could have made the opening of camp, which he needed.

That ignores everything O’Neal went through last season. His toe hurt, he was heavy, he lacked his old explosiveness, he felt put upon by everyone.

He said he was no longer concerned about his weight, he was just a big guy, and he would take a while after the season before deciding what to do about his toe.

Finally, he even bristled at Jackson when Phil told him they needed him to turn it up during the San Antonio series, before turning it up dramatically.

O’Neal has been remarkably upbeat this season but still lacks his old explosiveness. If he can’t practice, as he couldn’t last season, he may have to get by without it, as he did last season.

O’Neal is so far ahead of the field, he can still dominate this way, as he did in the end last spring when he might have been a little ... say, 20 pounds ... over that 342 he claimed to be.

Nevertheless, you can only imagine what he would do if he ever got back down around 325, although it has been a while since anyone has seen that.

And, as a Laker official notes, “You never will again.”

But it wasn’t only O’Neal who came out of their latest, scariest triumph feeling omnipotent. It was the whole organization.

Hubris is an occupational hazard of dynasts, whose confidence is a huge advantage ... but has only to move a hair over the line to become overconfidence.

After their escape from Sacramento, they talked about signing Charles Oakley, an old curmudgeon who would have come in handy. After they scattered the New Jersey Nets, Oakley’s name fell off the agenda.

The moves they made seemed motivated as much by salary. Lindsey Hunter, owed $6.3 million, was traded for Tracy Murray, owed $3.7 million, and Kareem Rush, a prospect but one who might not be the kind of rookie who would play right away for Jackson.

With O’Neal, Kobe Bryant and Jackson knocking down $42 million a season, expenses are always a concern. Laker people often note that compared to the billionaire owners, Jerry Buss is like the proprietor of a mom and pop store.

Buss had vowed to keep the payroll under the $52-million tax threshold but said it was OK to go over to re-sign Devean George, which was seen as a major concession.

Actually, Buss has made tens (actually, more like twenties, or fifties) of millions of dollars in three title-winning seasons in a new arena, and should have been able to afford to sign George and more, had he been persuaded they needed more.

Not that anyone seemed too worried. Unlike the summer before when they added Samaki Walker, Mitch Richmond and Hunter, there was little mention of holes to fill.

(I’m obliged to note that lots of people shared their image of themselves, including moi. I thought they should get Oakley and had more money to spend than they wanted to talk about, but I also wrote they had enough help for Shaq and Kobe.)

Nevertheless ...

When Jackson arrived in 1999, he stripped them down (goodbye, Ruben Patterson), brought in player/mentors (Ron Harper, Brian Shaw) to introduce a new, professional note, and surprised himself by winning a title.

Two seasons and two more titles later, it was hard to remember they still hadn’t found a backup center so they could cut O’Neal’s minutes, or, after the failed J.R. Rider and Richmond projects, added any firepower.

Meanwhile, the Kings went from circus act to legitimate contender, adding Mike Bibby, Bobby Jackson, Hedo Turkoglu and Keon Clark. The Spurs brought in a new team around Tim Duncan, preparing for next summer’s final piece of the puzzle, when David Robinson retires and they go after Michael Olowokandi. The Mavericks became a power.

Now, besides crossing their fingers that Shaq’s toe is OK, the Lakers have a new nightmare scenario: The West is catching up ... or on their doorstep.

If you thought that was a long and winding road to last season’s happy ending, check out this season.

Faces and Figures

Breaking new ground as far as what one can say on TV while being completely wrong, Charles Barkley predicted that Yao Ming wouldn’t score 19 points in a game as a rookie. Yao promptly got 20 against the Lakers and, two games later, outscored Shawn Bradley in Dallas, 30-0. After scoring 30 points in his first seven games, Yao averaged 19.6 in his next three, in only 24 minutes, shooting 23-26.

TV being more about visuals than wisdom, this still became a coup for Turner. Barkley kissed a donkey that Kenny Smith had brought into the studio. Even rival ESPN felt obliged to show that on “SportsCenter.”

No more chastened than usual, Barkley then swore he’d kiss the donkey again if Yao became one of the game’s five best players. At least, Charlie won’t be proven wrong within a week on this one. Nevertheless, he and that mule could get to be an item.

Eddie Robinson, who got a $30-million deal from the Chicago Bulls, is buried on the bench, almost as unhappy with them as they are with him. “OK, I’m not starting and I didn’t complain about that,” he said. “But now I come off the bench and it’s, like, one mistake and, ‘Come sit down.’ That’s frustrating as hell.”

Coach Bill Cartwright, asked what Robinson must do to play more: “He’s going to have to make a shot. That’d be pretty good.”

The Lakers switched hotels in Sacramento, leaving the Hyatt where Bryant got that infamous bacon cheeseburger. Bryant, however, remained weak for days, suggesting it might not have been food poisoning, and the Lakers were reportedly looking for a new hotel before that.... In other news that may or may not be related, the Kings hired a new chef, Gary Gainey, who was formerly the chef and restaurant manager for Hyatt Regency Corp.

Life among the 76ers and life only (cont.): Allen Iverson, fearing an impending TV feature on his restless lifestyle, sat down with two local writers, telling them he feared being framed by the Philadelphia police and might have to leave town. Two days later, he recanted, as usual, saying, “I want to be right in Philadelphia, it’s as simple as that.”

Maverick assistant coach Donnie Nelson, on their fast start: “It comes down to your competition, where you rank with the Lakers and the Kings of the world. We’re [12-0] and we’ve caught some teams at the right time, which happens in the NBA. If we had played San Antonio a couple times, or Sacramento, would we be sitting here with this record? Probably not. I wouldn’t go crazy over being undefeated at this point.”

Spur center Robinson on his 40-year-old backup, Kevin Willis: “His body looks better than my body and I always thought I was in great shape. He still runs like a deer. And he’s still strong.”

Willis is also known for his short arms. During a visit to the Sydney Zoo at the 2000 Olympics, Kevin Garnett nicknamed a kangaroo “Kevin Willis.”

Karl Malone, asked if Denver’s muscular Nene Hilario reminded him of himself as a rookie: “He can come talk to me in 18 years.”