This Wedding Invitation Won’t Be Easily Bagged

Well, when I heard the Dodgers had paid Chad Kreuter $300,000 to get lost I can’t tell you what a relief that was. You have no idea how hard it is to whittle a guest list for a wedding.

I’ve already crossed off the Grocery Store Bagger’s name two or three times, but for some reason it always seems to reappear.

I hope the folks who are on the bubble appreciate some of the tough choices that are going to have to be made: Do you invite Bum Garner? Do you allow him to bring a date? Could he find a date? Would you want the kind of date he might find to show up at your party? Or do you just invite him to the wedding for old time’s sake but give him the wrong location for the reception?

I’ll provide maps for most people because I’ve always wanted to tell the Mighty Ducks where to go. And besides, it wouldn’t be fair to have Eric Karros strike out on his own again.

But when it comes to the reception, whom do you sit next to Mike Garrett? Is there a limit on the number of dates Jerry Buss can bring along? No kids are allowed, but how do you make sure David Eckstein gets in without a hassle.?

Think about it, do you even invite the Angels knowing they will all be wearing bigger rings than the bride? If you do, you probably have to invite some of the Dodgers so the bride doesn’t feel so badly?

If nearly half of all brides and grooms in a weddingchannel.com survey say finding a way to request money as a wedding gift is the most challenging etiquette issue they face, how do you tell them to word that invitation to Donald Sterling?

I spent last weekend at the drag races in Pomona so I could get the feel of what it’s going to be like hanging around the Bagger’s relatives, but now I see where the Emily Post Institute says “wedding gifts should be delivered to the bride’s home or the home of her parents before the wedding,” and I don’t want any of those people knowing where we live.

There are just a lot of things to consider before we get a final count, and so the more quickly someone like Brian Jordan, for example, comes to a decision about staying or leaving, it’s going to help. No need, though, for the Sparks to worry their pretty little heads; it’s already set up so there’s no competition when it comes time for Jeanie Buss to catch the bouquet.

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AT THE very last moment, Coach Phil Jackson changed his selection from the Lakers starting the season 0-7 to 2-5, and so they did. When I brought it up Tuesday night, for the record, it was Jackson who mentioned the Pick Six.

Well, you know how that goes, there are accusations now that three former Drexel fraternity brothers were in cahoots, turning themselves into the FBI after allegedly changing their selections in the Breeders’ Cup to win $3 million in the Pick Six. And so I asked Jackson if he has ever spent any time at Drexel, and he said a former teammate of his had gone to Drexel at one time, and so no, I’m not surprised Jackson knew exactly how the Lakers would open the season.

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ECKSTEIN AND the Red Sox’s Nomar Garciaparra tied for 11th in American League most-valuable-player voting, which is pretty interesting shortstop company.

What’s more outlandish, however: One writer voting Eckstein the fifth-best player in the American League, or two National League writers not including the Dodgers’ Shawn Green among the 10 names they each submitted on their ballots?

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THE REASONS continue to pile up -- more than 30 million of them now -- why San Diego might not fight to keep the Chargers when the Spanos Goofs start seriously flirting with L.A.

The San Diego Business Journal reported San Diego has already spent in excess of $30 million to buy back unused Charger tickets the last few years, including the 7,958 to the team’s earlier home game against New England at a cost of $54.85 per ticket.

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WHEN THE Steelers played the Falcons on Sunday, the game drew a 43.8 TV rating in Pittsburgh and a 70 share. In places like New York and L.A., there is something to do besides spend the day in front of the TV. The Giants’ game drew a 10.7 rating and 23 share in New York, while the Jets pulled a 12.9 and 17 share. In L.A. the 49ers-Chiefs drew a 19 rating at its peak, and 25 share. You can only imagine how much higher that it would’ve been had the 2,000 or 3,000 people, who went to the women’s tennis tournament, stayed home to watch football.

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49ER RECEIVER Terrell Owens’ jersey is the No. 8 seller around the league according to NFL totals; former San Francisco receiver Jerry Rice, the game’s all-time touchdown scoring leader who plays for the Raiders, wears the No. 18 best-selling jersey. Chicago linebacker Brian Urlacher’s jersey remains the No. 1 seller. I don’t believe they’re selling Marc Bulger jerseys yet.

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HOW’S THIS for a heavyweight foursome together in courtside seats for the Laker game against Atlanta: Olympic decathlete Rafer Johnson, mega-Hollywood producer David Wolper and actors Richard Crenna and Mike Connors. You could tell right away they were pros, leaving Bill Plaschke to write his column and not one of them interrupting to ask for his autograph.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Luis Hernandez:

“Fellow Times’ employee Ross Newhan was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, while Shav Glick has a media center named for him. If it’s any consolation, I always read your column and watch (‘Around the Horn’) when you’re on the tub.”

I’m sure you meant to type “tube,” but you were probably thinking about something going down the drain at the time.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected]