Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff When Buying Celebrity Clothes at Auction

When it comes to buying clothes, collectors seeking celebrity duds have different standards from the rest of us. Lelands auction house of New York lovingly describes a 1981 jersey of ex-Dodger pitcher Fernando Valenzuela this way: “The white borders of the ‘Dodgers’ on the chest and the ‘Valenzuela 34’ on the back are yellow with sweat, and the collar area is downright disgusting.”

Speaking of disgusting: Other items on the block include an outfit that’s “complete with alien slime” and was worn by Ron Silver in the sci-fi potboiler “The Arrival.” There’s also a souvenir menu autographed by Elvis, which Lelands proudly notes is adorned with “a stain inside that looks like the au jus from the $15 prime rib.”

And, finally, you won’t want to pass up the “California Carrots Howdy Doody Cigarette Lighter,” described as an advertising ploy by a produce company.

“Since Howdy never smoked, and never would,” Lelands said, “you will not see one of these again.”

Sounds like: James Terrill of Fullerton saw an ad for a waterbed that is topped by a giant appetizer, while Jane Bush of Palm Desert spotted a pair of shoes with an unusual finish (see accompanying).

Such a deal: Kim Savage Feibleman noticed the wild fluctuations in a price of woven shorts on the Internet, from almost $10,000 to--get this!--the store pays you almost $10,000 (see accompanying).

Pasadena: Surf City north? The doctored sign showing a pedestrian holding a surfboard in Pasadena struck a chord with a friend who recalled the 1965 song “New York’s a Lonely Town” by the Trade Winds.

This sad tale of a surfer who moves from Southern California to the Big Apple contained the immortal lyric, “Central Park to Pasadena’s such a long way,” thereby giving the impression that waves were lapping up on Colorado Boulevard.

A license to make money? In observance of the 65th anniversary of personalized plates, car-care products maker Eagle One is taking nominations for the funniest vanity licenses in the country. The overall winner will be worth $5,000. State champs will receive $100 each. You can enter online at www.eagleone.com until June 30. And, if you wish, you can send your nominations my way for a preview.

Names that fit: Phil Proctor observed that the “driving coordinator” for the movie “Hollywood Ending” was none other than Leo Driver.

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miscelLAny: Larry and Sharon Skeldon of Orange said they found themselves driving behind a vehicle bearing a sign that said: “Car Toad.” Something for short hops? No, it was a car being, uh, towed.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes .com.