It’s Funny, Any Way You Judge It

You’d think that having a judge on the ballot who’s charged with molestation and possessing kiddie porn wouldn’t generate much comic material. Kind of off-limits, yes?

O ye of little faith.

Didn’t we learn long ago that, when it comes to public officials and their pronouncements, there’s no limit to their gift for the absurd? For the well-turned phrase? And, most important, for their willingness to perform?

And so, even with as delicate a matter as Superior Court Judge Ronald Kline’s ongoing legal problems, we’re continually entertained by Comedy Central, otherwise known as Orange County’s administrative headquarters.

The star of this week’s show is Supervisor Todd Spitzer. I’ve been a Spitzer man since he joined the board in 1997, liking the way his brashness sometimes rattled the bureaucratic cages. The man has made me chuckle more than once with his timely barbs.

Still, until this week I had no appreciation for his grasp of deadpan humor.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a gifted artist.

The supervisor has said with straight-faced insistence that he wants Judge Kline’s name to remain on the November ballot. The judge, charged in December after he’d filed for reelection, says he is innocent but recently asked that his name be removed because it’s the honorable thing to do.

Oh, it’s not that Spitzer wants to vote for the accused jurist.

To the contrary, it’s that he can’t wait to vote against him. And he wants everyone else in Orange County to have the same chance.

“The public deserves the right to throw him out of office if they choose.�

That’s what the man said. I must find out if he writes his own material.

Spitzer took pains to say he only wants to follow the law, which says that a candidate can’t have his name removed from the ballot unless he dies or is elected to another office.

That’s what is known in comedy as misdirection.

What Spitzer really wants is for establishment candidate John Adams, the top vote-getter from a large cast of write-in candidates (and also Spitzer’s choice), to run against Kline in November. You’d have to like Adams’ chances in that race.

If Kline’s name is dropped, local election officials still aren’t certain whether Adams would then square off against the next-highest vote-getter among the write-ins. Adams would still be the favorite, but his election would be less assured.

Adams spoke out early in opposing Kline’s removal from the ballot, yet apparently came to realize how self-serving that sounded. The way these things work, the job of keeping Kline on the ballot has fallen to others.

Such as Spitzer, who leaped into the breach. The other supervisors, although not voting to dive into the Kline matter, have more or less followed Spitzer’s lead.

That’s where things stand now. A hearing is scheduled for next week on Kline’s request to have his name removed.

Until then, we’re asked to believe that people who adamantly opposed Kline’s continuing in office now adamantly oppose his decision to take his name off the ballot.

Because that would insult our intelligence, Spitzer is left to argue that the judge is bending the law by wanting off the ballot. The public, he says, deserves the chance to oust Kline--as if society is nagged with doubt over whether it wants accused molesters and kiddie porn fans to be judges.

I wonder if the supervisor has played out his little comic bit. What if Spitzer’s argument holds sway and Kline remains on the ballot? And then is elected?

Now, that’s funny.

I have only one suggestion for Spitzer, Adams and whoever else is in on this Kline production:

Respect your audience. When you’re doing comedy, play it as comedy.

Don’t try to pass it off as serious drama.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to [email protected].