From Africa to Anaheim
The fascinating and contentious field of human evolution was rocked the other day by publication in the journal Nature of research by Alan Templeton, a population biologist at Washington University in St. Louis. For years scientists have generally believed that the founders of modern humanity moved out of Africa suddenly about 100,000 years ago, obliterating prehuman species as the newcomers wandered the world.
Templeton’s theory, based on computer DNA studies, suggests that genetic mingling through interbreeding caused a series of global melting-pot periods starting some 600,000 years ago and that traces of early species like Neanderthals survive in modern human DNA. This is great debate fodder for the journal Nature and conventions of geneticists, which have evolved from crude cave gatherings to pretty sophisticated PowerPoint presentations in air-conditioned hotels.
Unfortunately, this narrow scientific debate ignores far more convincing anecdotal data from detailed observations of family trips to California during March school vacations. In a pioneering new study being published right here now, we reveal what thousands of Southern California families have noticed in recent generations. Starting about half a century ago, relatives from cold northern climates, even relatives unheard from for years, began migrating from the Snowbelt around spring vacation time to the warmer weather of California, where they moved into the homes of genetic and marital relatives for much longer than expected, though not as long as it seemed. This was discerned by carbon-dating host families’ laundry baskets, credit card charges and depleted food supplies. Scientists studying visitors’ diets were puzzled by a surfeit of pricey restaurant foods. Further study of the contents of visitors’ pockets uncovered mummified admission tickets and parking stubs, also overpriced.
The historic migration, which resumes this month, was thus conclusively tied to the evolution of California theme parks. The more Disneylands, Knott’s Berry Farms, Six Flags, SeaWorlds, Legolands, Universal Studios, the greater the continental migration of relatives professing family affinity--but displaying attributes of the Early Moochers genus. These include a loud mouth, expansive appetite, preference for the couch and apparent inability to open a wallet. One aspect of Templeton’s new study was, however, confirmed in the California research: Many visitors do carry chromosomes linking them to Neanderthals.
