LAUGH LINES

Danger, Keep Out: “Swimmers in an English seaside resort have been warned to stay away from a sexually frustrated dolphin because the dolphin keeps trying to have sex with some of the swimmers. What’s going on? ... You can’t go to school because of the teachers. You can’t go to church because of the priests. Now you can’t even go in the water?� (Jay Leno)

Cut It Out: “The New York State Education Department deleted what it considered to be insensitive references from classic literature on the high school English exam.... Every reference to race was cut....

How the word ‘English’ survived is anybody’s guess.� (Argus Hamilton)

Oh, Get Reel: “Anna Nicole Smith has just signed with the E! Network for her own weekly, Osbourne-style reality show. It’s called ‘Who Wants to Bury a Millionaire.’ � (Leno)