Evans Won’t Take Bait and Belt ‘Swinging Friar’

SAN DIEGO â€”  Dodger General Manager Dan Evans was sitting in the stands behind home plate at Qualcomm Stadium Monday night, maybe the last place I’d ever expect to see a Dodger general manager sitting again.

The previous Dodger Goof, Kevin Malone, sat there a year ago, challenged a heckling Padre fan--Jim Esterbrooks--to a fight, and a few days later was fired.

Now, I swear I couldn’t possibly make this up, but when I arrived at the ballpark Tuesday I received word Evans had gotten into it with “The Swinging Friar,� the Padre mascot, while sitting in the same place where Malone had lost it.

*

WHEN I stopped laughing, I realized what a big story this might be. I was told Evans had become so upset with The Friar he had complained to Padre management, making him the first GM in baseball to achieve full-fledged tattler status. Once this came out, I could see Fox entertaining the idea now of matching Tonya Harding against the winner of the bout between The Tattler & The Friar.

As the story goes, Evans was on a cell phone talking about a trade, and The Friar had just come down to the field level seats to visit a youngster who had received a heart transplant. It’d be a better story, of course, if Evans tripped The Friar as he made his way down to visit the youngster with the heart transplant, but I’ve never thought he was all that quick on his feet.

“I have no idea what the general manager of the Dodgers looks like,� the Friar told me in an exclusive interview. “I noticed this guy on a cell phone, who wasn’t paying any attention to the game, so I kind of nudged him to watch the game.�

I asked The Friar by any chance if his name was “Jim Esterbooks,� but he said, “no, I’m Al.�

*

WHEN MALONE got upset he had yelled to Esterbrooks, “You want to fight, mouth?� so I asked Al if Evans had called him, “mouth,� or had challenged him to fight. Before he answered, I reminded him this might be his only chance to get it on with Tonya Harding, but he said the guy with the cell phone had expressed no interest in duking it out.

Now The Friar does not speak when in full costume, so it wasn’t like he had brought up the names of Mike Trombley, James Baldwin or Terry Mulholland with Evans. So I wondered what had upset Evans so much that he would be moved to become a tattletale.

“Do you know this is the first time you and I have talked to each other, and it took divine intervention in the form of The Friar,� Evans said, and I had no idea the Dodgers employed executives with a sense of humor.

When I asked him what deal he was working on when interrupted by The Friar, Evans said, “How do you know I was talking about a trade? Maybe I was checking my voice mail for your call, or checking in with 99.�

Now I’m used to Dodger executives saying things and then having no idea what they’re talking about, so I had to ask for clarification: “99?�

“You know, agent 99,� said Evans. “Get Smart.�

Get a third baseman who can hit, I thought, but I kept that to myself and asked why he would put himself in the same position as Malone--given the history in this place?

“That has nothing to do with me; I’ve sat in the stands all year. There really wasn’t any incident with the mascot; I just wanted to be able to watch the game, and once he moved there was no issue.�

Then he couldn’t help himself, once more going David Letterman on me: “I’m a Catholic, so it’s not like I could just tell a Friar to get lost.�

I have to give the Dodgers credit, no matter who they have working as GM, they keep me laughing.

*

WHO SAYS Dodger general managers are incapable of learning on the job? On Tuesday night Evans’ seat behind home plate remained empty.

*

ON SUNDAY the Dodgers conducted Autograph Day outside Dodger Stadium, and left a line stretching around the stadium full of kids disappointed after not getting to one of the players before the session was called off.

“We had a group of about 25 or 30 there for a birthday party, and we were in line for about an hour and came within eight or 10 feet of Andy Ashby when the players left,� said Kevin Kratzer, who e-mailed both The Times and the Dodgers to express disappointment on behalf of his 5- and 12-year-old sons. “Nobody in the line behind us knew what was going on and were still standing there waiting to get an autograph in the hot sun, and the players were already gone. It just wasn’t handled well.�

The Dodgers did not respond to Kratzer’s e-mail, but when I contacted Derrick Hall, the Dodgers’ VP for making things right, he agreed with Kratzer.

“By design, every child under 14 years of age should get an autograph,� Hall said. “We should have a stack of autographs to hand out if something like this happens. We do three of these Autograph Days, and divide the team into thirds so players have to do this only once ...�

I certainly wouldn’t want a major league baseball player to surrender an hour of his time twice a season to give autographs.

“It just doesn’t make sense to disappoint future Dodger fans,� Kratzer said.

I can’t tell you how long Kevin Brown has had me waiting for his autograph.

*

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Michael Axelrod:

“I’ve noticed when you write about the Chargers your columns are insightful and very funny. However, when writing about the Dodgers you come across as mean-spirited and vindictive. Why do you think this is?�

Because you’re a Dodger fan?

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected].