Al Davis, There’s a Cleanup on Aisle Five

Now that Jon Gruden has packed his silver-and-black bags and left Oakland to become coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, observers are left to wonder who the next Raider coach will be.

Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Chronicle said owner Al Davis isn’t one of those worrying about it.

“Davis made it clear without ever saying so that he thinks there are Grudens to be found in nearly every Wal-Mart aisle in America,” Ratto wrote.

Still, there are those bemused by the move, Ratto included.

“None of this could have happened without the help of at least two parallel universes and a gallon of Old Hair O’ the Dog,” he said.

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Trivia time: How many of the 17 Formula One races in 2001 were won by a Schumacher?

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Wifely duty: While Ronaldo lounges in Brazil during carnival season recuperating from his latest in a three-year series of injuries, the family’s soccer name is being kept in the spotlight.

Milene Domingues, who married the Inter Milan forward in 1999, is preparing to debut for the Italian Women’s Serie A side Monza.

“She is very good,” Monza Coach Raffaele Solimeno told Gazzetta Dello Sport. “She has speed and is very agile.”

Nice to know there’s at least one Ronaldo who can still run.

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Whale watching: Commenting on the eve of Maryland’s 87-73 victory over Duke, the Washington Post’s Tony Kornheiser viewed the rivalry in nautical terms.

“Duke has become Maryland’s white whale,” he wrote. “I’m always surprised [Terrapin Coach] Gary Williams doesn’t come out of the tunnel with a harpoon in his hand.”

There was no need. The previously No. 1 Blue Devils felt the sting anyway.

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Leaving him breathless: The San Francisco Chronicle’s Scott Ostler isn’t impressed by Giant General Manager Brian Sabean’s claim that Tsuyoshi Shinjo “is going to take your breath away going to get the ball in center field.”

“Big deal,” Ostler said. “Walking up the steps to the beer stand takes my breath away.”

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Longhorns shorten odds: According to Dan Cook of the San Antonio Express-News, Texas Coach Mack Brown “just finished signing one of the greatest crop of high school recruits in the history of collegiate football.

“Maybe the greatest of all time.”

Cook pointed out that the Longhorns had signed nine of the nationally rated top 50 players and seven of the top 10 recruits in Texas. But there’s a downside.

Brown, he wrote, has “put himself on the spot to again finish in the top 10 this coming season, and he’d better win a national title in one of the three following years or it will never happen during his watch in Austin.”

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Jumping to conclusions: Promoter Al Franken, whose 42nd L.A. Invitational indoor track meet will be staged Saturday at the Sports Arena, suggests that 1996 Olympic champion high jumper Charles Austin could meet his match. One of his opponents is the aptly named Nathan Leeper.

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Trivia answer: Twelve; nine by Michael and three by Ralf.

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And finally: From columnist Norman Chad: “I watched a bit of the Westminster Dog Show. It’s like figure skating, without the sequins.”

Grahame L. Jones