Playing host at the holidays: You’re either kind or crazy

You agreed to have house guests over the holidays. What were you thinking?

“It’s a great act of mercy and love to have people stay this time of year,” says manners expert Letitia Baldrige. “The holidays are fraught with stress, everyone is sick with the flu.”

Baldrige knows what can go wrong. She once had guests who came a day late, which wouldn’t have mattered so much except that she was throwing a large party in their honor. When they didn’t show up, she called to see where they were.

“They were just sitting down to a macaroni dinner,” she recalls. “And they were a 1 1/2-hour plane ride away.”

Double-check exactly when your guests are coming and, just as important, when they’re leaving. Although talking about the end of the visit before it begins may seem awkward, you’ll feel better if you know.

Be sure to tell your guests what you’re planning (a cocktail party, a trip to the skating rink) so they can pack appropriately.

If visitors are flying in, a considerate host will offer to pick them up; a considerate guest will make sure that is convenient for the host.

“One thing people never realize is that we’re not next door to Dulles. That’s crucial,” says Joy Munster, a psychiatric nurse who lives in Guilford, Md.

Munster’s latest house guest was a cello player who practiced at odd hours. He was also a vegetarian, which he didn’t tell her until half an hour before she was about to serve an elaborate chicken cacciatore dinner.

You should be willing to accommodate your guests if you love them, says Peggy Post of the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt., by not serving meat at a family dinner, or keeping your cat in another part of the house. But most hosts have a few things they aren’t willing to compromise over. Maybe you don’t allow smoking in your home, or aren’t comfortable with unmarried couples in the same bedroom.

Make the guest room inviting, says Post, with flowers, an extra pillow, a bathroom glass. “Make them feel at home by saying, ‘Please help yourself to anything in the fridge.’ Try to anticipate what they need. If they get up early, show them where the coffee is.”