Man Thinks Fast on His Feet, but Unfortunately He Was Lying Down

The police log of the Huntington Beach News reported that a man found sleeping on someone else’s front porch at 3 a.m. “said he was looking for his cat.� Maybe the catnap was part of his strategy.

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All wet: A man accused of trafficking in pornography in Redondo Beach jumped into the ocean and began to swim out to sea when officers approached. We’ll never know whether he could have made it to Catalina. The Beach Reporter newspaper said he was resting on a buoy when a lifeguard boat netted him.

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Unclear on the concept: More of the seemingly contradictory aspects of life, uncovered by readers (see accompanying):

* A sushi bar with a confusing open-door policy (photo by Natalie Olson of Seal Beach)

* A parking area that is ideal for people without cars (photo by Carl Zitek of San Bernardino)

* A shirt that apparently can’t be cleaned (Marie Harvey of West L.A.)

* And finally: A singular “blend� (Howard Lau).

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We’ll always have Century City: Harry’s Bar and American Grill, one of the promoters of the International Imitation Hemingway Competition, has shut down after 30 years. No word on whether the Hemingway contest will continue.

But at least its participants left us several moving memories of Century City, including this one from Ken Bash’s “Big Too-Hardened Liver�:

“It was early morning and the sun was bright and painful and rising on the tall glass towers when the rocket exploded to announce the release of the bulls and we all rushed out to see the big, brave, mature and viciously horny bulls toss the TV executives as they came up the escalators.�

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Some food for thought (if you dare): The L.A. branch of Chowhound.com, a Web site “for those who live to eat,� held a chat-room discussion on “food confessions you’d rather not make.� Some of the secret passions that were revealed:

* “I don’t think this is such a bad thing, but my fiance thinks it’s pretty gross: tomatoes sprinkled with sugar.�

* “Grilled peanut butter and jelly, slathered in butter and grilled like a cheese sandwich.�

* “Kraft macaroni and cheese with green peas mixed.�

* “Toasted bread with almond butter, mayo and bacon.�

* “My 90-year-old grandmother turned me on to this one. It’s toast with peanut butter, dried shredded pork and pickled radishes (wu ling tsai) on toast.�

* “Mayonnaise sandwiches with Best Foods (a lot too) on soft white bread with crusts cut off.�

One reader had no favorite, just this comment:

“I just read this entire thread, and I’m not dissin’ anyone, but I lost my appetite for lunch.�

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miscelLAny: Come on, now, haven’t we all felt like doing this at one time or another? The police log of the Dana Point News said that a man was sitting in his minivan the other afternoon “yelling at all the neighbors.�

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at [email protected].