Maybe They’re Afraid to Show Sensitive Sides

These warm and fuzzy people live among you:

Eric Oliver: “I was stunned to see you made one small reference to the fact Bill Shoemaker had been drinking prior to his accident. He was drunk! Then he blamed everyone else for his condition. I was amazed you pulled your punches in writing such a sympathetic article.”

I thought about tipping over his wheelchair ...

Pat: “It angers me to read Shoemaker’s quote: ‘This wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own.’ Where was this sentiment 11 years ago when he was suing Ford and Caltrans for responsibility of his crash? I’m surprised Willie didn’t name Jack Daniel’s in his lawsuit. The whole thing makes me really mad. B.S. is no hero of mine.”

Why do I have the feeling this isn’t your first case of road rage?

Jim Fikar: “Shoemaker was legally drunk and ultimately caused his own situation. Did he accept responsibility and own up to the poor choices he made that day? Hell, no, he sued Ford. What a loser!

Shoemaker can’t lift a finger, and you wouldn’t lift a finger for him, and you thought you had nothing in common.

Jim Wakeham: “What a great article. Shoemaker is a true hero. Oh, wait, he got drunk and crashed. Thank God he didn’t put someone else in a wheelchair. Your article praising an idiot drunk midget is your worst yet, and that’s hard to do after most of your work.”

Where would I be without my faithful readers?

Dave: “Your column on Shoemaker was very touching and uplifting. The only problem is it might cut down on your hate mail.”

I see what you mean, Dave.

James Stevens: “The Dodgers must have really upset you when they won. You had to have Plaschke ghost write a column for you.”

How do you know it wasn’t Pucin?

My Name Is Remy: “u sure sugar coated that shoemaker story. im sure u kno he was drinking, then drove home.sued & even got money for his daughter.shame.”

Hope you call a taxi or have a designated driver to get you home.

Morris: “I don’t necessarily consider you an idiot, but then I don’t know you.”

Maybe we can get together at a Spark game and become better acquainted--just wait for me by the front door.

Jennifer L.: “You got some nerve. What makes you think you’re better than the women who play golf on the LPGA Tour?”

I got to first base with Salma Hayek.

Rick: “I don’t think Chick Hearn [should have] come back, and for some reason I know you’re probably thinking the same thing, and you’re the only person with the guts to write it. I wrote a commentary for my college paper--here’s the address if you’re interested.”

I’m not.

Steven M. McGuire: “I notice you didn’t win a Pulitzer Prize. Maybe it’s because whining and crying don’t qualify for awards.”

That’s the problem with running an e-mail as “The Last Word” every day.

Bill McGarry: “Is it really necessary to print the Dodger season is over before it has begun. You’re not a fan, but a fair-weather, pompous jerk who has probably never competed for anything other than the last spot on the bus--pushing an old lady out of the way.”

I asked her nicely. She wouldn’t budge, so I just nudged her a little.

E. Binn: “I’m 62 and have never responded in my entire life to a published article, however your article about the LPGA really [ticked] me off. It seems hardly fair for you to require women to show more skin ... Anyway, you’re the reporter and I’m the critic of your reporting. You can bust my butt if you want.”

Don’t worry, at least I won’t make you bare it.

Andrea Weltman: “I was going to ignore your vicious column mocking the LPGA, but alas, I can not ... “

That’s funny, I had no problem ignoring the rest of your e-mail.

LA4HOTPROP: “Dear Archie Bunker, I’m amazed The Times still employs you after reading your column on the LPGA. You appear to be at the top of the list in the following categories: womanizer, homophobe and tasteless writing.”

The paper will never get rid of someone who leads in so many categories.

Jim M.: “I’ve noticed when the Dodgers lose you are very quick to tear into them. Shouldn’t the Dodgers get their due for winning?”

After they thank me for getting Kazuhisa Ishii to pitch with his eyes open.

Edge of the West: “Please expose the lame Dodger broadcast team. Vin Scully is a legend, but the other guys [are terrible] ... I can no longer listen to a Dodger game.”

And that’s a bad thing?

Greg Spencer: “It seems to me you are not even a fan. I don’t think Dodger haters should be writing about the Dodgers. I’d never talk to you if I was a player on the Dodgers. I’d spit on your shoes.”

If you were on the Dodgers and you tried to spit on my shoes, you’d miss.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Sports Editor Bill Dwyre:

“I read the column on Shoemaker and I need to point out a mistake. Since it was well-written, sensitive almost to the point of being poignant, and actually dealt with something in the world of sports that mattered, it occurred to me there is no way in the world it could have been written by you.”

There’s just no end to the crank e-mail.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected].