Volts, Quotes and Votes From the Elect Among Us

The Other Spike in Energy Rates Vivid political rhetoric is a moribund art, and California Atty. Gen. Bill Lockyer’s effort to revive it with a humdinger of a quote has brought shocked, shocked responses.

Lockyer, who is investigating possible manipulation of wholesale electricity prices by energy firms trading in California, told the Wall Street Journal, “I would love to personally escort [Enron Corp. chairman Kenneth] Lay to an 8 [-by-] 10 cell that he could share with a tattooed dude who says, ‘Hi, my name is Spike, honey.’ �

A GOP group calling itself The Loyal Opposition noted primly that Lockyer’s suggested act would expose the state to “civil and possibly criminal liability.�

And Gary Ackerman, executive director of a generators’ and marketers’ trade group called the Western Power Trading Forum, said state Controller Kathleen Connell rang him up to apologize for Lockyer.

She called “to express her regrets over comments made by an elected official, a colleague of hers,� Ackerman said. “She wanted to distance herself from those kinds of comments.� (Top Democrats in the Capitol will tell you that the contrary-minded Connell has already been distancing herself from them for a long time.)

Lockyer was a known phrasemaker back in his Legislature days. When Doris Allen--the Orange County Republican who was briefly the state’s first woman Assembly speaker--was driven out by fellow Republicans for cutting a deal with Democrats to get the job, she characterized her enemies as “power-mongering men with small penises.� That prompted Lockyer to declare, apropos of male legislators, “I guess that makes us the Congress of Vienna Sausages.�

Lockyer’s office says with a sigh that “those focusing on the colorful language are missing the point--that we’re not afraid of energy companies and we are serious about going after them for any wrongdoing.�

Putting Teeth in That Comb

It’s been the law for years, but who knows from his-and-her prices? In 1995, it became illegal for merchants to use gender alone to charge women more than men for the same services, from haircuts and dry cleaning to car repairs.

Yet when Hannah-Beth Jackson, the Assembly Democrat representing parts of Ventura and Santa Barbara counties, went to her Santa Barbara dry cleaners, she found that she was being charged $1.25 each for her husband’s shirts, and $3 each for her blouses of comparable fabric and style. The cleaner said the blouses were too petite for the presses and needed hand ironing.

She was steamed, and when you get a legislator steamed, you feel the heat. Jackson has pushed through a bill putting bite in the 1995 law, and requiring that prices for such services be posted.

She did, however, pass on more aggressive requirements, like forcing barbers to charge less to tend the sparse, see-through hair of older men than for the jungle-dense coiffures of younger men. Consider her husband’s thinning thatch, she said: “That’s precision work. They’ve got to make every hair count.�

Political Hustle Meets Real Muscle

Give credit where credit is due: Some of his party’s leaders rail against popular culture, but Dana Rohrabacher, the Republican congressman from Huntington Beach, has been a fearless practitioner. He hung out with Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar, and took up surfing (though he passed on a challenge by surfer Sally Alexander, his 82-year-old Democratic opponent, to a “surf-off� in 1996). He even got his chin liposuctioned a while back.

Now he’s bucking anti-Hollywood rhetoric by enlisting one star the GOP dotes on, so much so that his name was bruited about as governor material: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The Austrian-born actor is turning star power into $tar power at a $1,000-a-plate fund-raiser for Rohrabacher June 9 in Newport Beach. Rohrabacher met the actor through an ex-bodybuilder turned chiropractor who treated Rohrabacher’s bad back, back when it was.

For the congressman’s money, Schwarzenegger is “not only a draw with the voters but with the financial supporters.� And why would a man in a district as safe as his need to raise money? “We have redistricting coming up. It’s always prudent to have some money in your bank account.�

Here Lies . . .

There’s no marker on the runway at LAX to commemorate President Bill Clinton’s notorious $200 haircut, but Los Angeles’ Rancho Park Golf Course now has a bronze plaque set in a boulder to memorialize Clinton’s golf game there last August.

The marker reads “President of the United States William Jefferson Clinton played golf at Rancho Park Golf Course August 12, 2000,� and beneath it the names of three officials, one of whom was in the First Foursome--L.A. Mayor Richard Riordan.

Clinton didn’t turn in a scorecard, but his game was said to be “around 85.� Former Clinton White House aide Ben Austin, now deputy mayor to Riordan, says that in spite of reports to the contrary, “presidents don’t cheat at golf. Presidents’ opponents cheat for them,� a statement bolstered by former President George Bush, who marveled after he left the White House, “It’s amazing how many people beat you at golf now that you’re no longer president.�

The Thrilla on Capitol Hill-a

Nancy Pelosi, the San Francisco Democrat, has spent some recent time of her 14 years in Congress angling to get California back into the House leadership, with herself as majority whip, the person who keeps party members in line and counts noses before big votes.

Alas for Pelosi, the GOP kept its majority in the November elections, and there was no room at the top. Even if there had been, fellow Demo Steny H. Hoyer of Maryland was already jockeying for the same job.

But wait! The consolation prize of minority whip may be opening up. Michigan Rep. David E. Bonior might soon quit as whip to campaign if he decides to run for governor in 2002.

Get cracking!

Quick Hits

The Legislature, which voted unanimously in 1996 to adopt energy deregulation, voted unanimously again last week--this time to adopt an official state tartan, that of the family of pioneering naturalist John Muir. . . . The chads will stay in Kern County for now, since the county found that buying new optical scanners would cost more than its entire annual elections budget. . . . For brevity, there’s no beating the retirement memo of Ron Reina, longtime aide to San Diego County Sheriff Bill Kolender: “And to all, ‘Good Night.’ �

Word Perfect

“He never really apologized. . . . Holding no one accountable only sanctions these kind of dirty tricks.�

Los Angeles County supervisor Gloria Molina, contesting just what constitutes an apology. After learning that his campaign used an imitation of Molina’s voice and name to dis his mayoral primary opponent Antonio Villaraigosa, Rep. Xavier Becerra said in a long press release that he had telephoned both Villaraigosa and Molina and “offered an apology on behalf of my campaign.� No way, said Molina; what she heard from Becerra was a “long-winded� narrative devoid of mea culpas.

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Columnist Patt Morrison’s e-mail address is [email protected]. This week’s contributors include Nick Anderson, Steve Chawkins, Jean O. Pasco, Nicholas Riccardi and Nancy Vogel.