Honk if You Think Our Traffic’s Worst!
L.A. has lost some of its distinctions: Houston’s air pollution is now considered worse. And the FBI’s L.A. office no longer sends out news releases carrying the title “Bank Robbery Capital of the World.”
But I did hear a radio station call L.A.’s traffic “the worst in the world,” an impressive claim (even if you think Paris and Rome are getting a raw deal).
Which explains why the https://LAinsider.com guide has a “Blast Stupid Drivers” section. It’s full of insults. But several readers have suggested solutions for the traffic mess.
“Everyone should drive oldies,” declared a contributor named “Dodgeboy49.” “Ever notice how folks who drive antiques are more polite and friendly? Many will just barely do 55, so that solves the speeding problem. . . . Most have clutches, which eliminates incompetent drivers . . . “
This prompted another reader to fondly recall his old-fashioned 1979 Dodge coupe “because no one got close enough to me to cut me off or hit my rear bumper. Oh, the intimidation of real steel versus fiberglass and aluminum.”
GAZING TOWARD HEAVEN: A third contributor to https://LAinsider.com looked toward the day when “we can fly over all that heavy traffic” after the invention of “the George Jetson car.” During the rush hour, I often feel like I’m in the Fred Flintstone car.
BUT BACK TO STUPID DRIVERS: “Have you ever seen anyone read a book while driving on the 5?” wrote an https://LAinsider.com contributor identified as “oiloil.” “I have. Can you top that?”
It didn’t take long. “I saw one lady talking on the phone with one hand, eating a burger with the other and looking in the rearview mirror checking on her lipstick,” said another reader.
Not bad. But I’m sure some readers out there can top that. Let’s hear from you.
HOME, HOME ON THE KITCHEN RANGE: Juli Ann Humphreys of Glendale spotted an ad for a stove that users were evidently supposed to ride (see accompanying). Or perhaps the model name was actually Gaffers and Sattler.
ON THE ROAD: Richard Sterling of Downey sent along a coupon that he and his wife received from a Nordstrom store on their anniversary trip to San Francisco. Nice gesture, but the offer seemed to cover just one shoe (see accompanying).
ON THE OTHER FOOT . . . : Or the shoeshine parlor may have been on the first floor.
DINING DANGEROUSLY: Laura Drabkin of Studio City didn’t dare buy the chicken dish she came upon, but she tried unsuccessfully to get an explanation for the name (see accompanying). Sounds as though it’s a dish that contains everything but . . . well, you know.
MILESTONES: I’m still not ready to let go of 2000. Here are two items from TV Guide’s year-end issue:
* Actress Pamela Anderson of “Baywatch” fame “said that she first started dating male model Marcus Schenkenberg after she witnessed him rescuing a bird that was stuck in a toilet in Monaco.”
* “Hugh Hefner purchased a crypt in L.A.’s Westwood village cemetery adjacent to the remains of Marilyn Monroe.” The magazine quoted a Playboy spokesman saying, “Marilyn was not the only reason why Hef chose the crypt. The cemetery is close to the Playboy mansion. And it’s L.A.--which is where he wants to be.”
After all, he’ll be safe from stupid drivers then.
miscelLAny:
Writer Bill Givens notes that an eatery on campus at USC has a salad bar named “Melon of Troy.”
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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at [email protected].
