LAUGH LINES

Calling the Shots: “The National Rifle Assn. is opening a theme restaurant down in Times Square. There’s brainpower at work. . . . I believe it’s called ‘Planet Homicide.’ ” (David Letterman)

Taking a Stand: Hillary Clinton’s new opponent, Rick Lazio, “supports a woman’s right to choose, whereas [Rudy] Giuliani supports his right to choose a woman.” (Bill Maher)

Packing Iron: “The National Rifle Assn. convention . . . was attended by about 52,000 card-carrying members. It lasted 14 days. That’s three days for the convention and 11 days to get everybody through the airport metal detectors.” (Argus Hamilton)

Tuning Out: Hillary Clinton is “not commenting on any of [Rudy] Giuliani’s problems. She says she wishes him well and is not concerned with what’s going on in his personal life. . . . I believe her--she wasn’t even concerned about what was going on in Bill’s personal life.” (Jay Leno)

The Reel Thing: “[Disney’s] ‘Dinosaurs’ . . . is the most lifelike depiction of dinosaurs ever to show up on the big screen--not counting the . . . ‘Rocky’ movies.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.